Swine Flu, the rude, thoughtless little pig strain of the flu virus that is probably some kind of swine retaliation for humanity's conspicuous consumption of Baconaise, is apparently spreading—though not nearly as fast as the panicky "How Long Before We All Get Swine Flu?!?!" stories. But if this all feels a little familiar to you, maybe it's because you somehow managed to survive (read: lived in an underground bunker for a year) the Great Swine Flu Panic of 1976. A helpful tool during that terrible time? The following Swine Flu vaccine PSAs which reveal in no uncertain terms exactly how the virus is spread:
So, if you want to avoid the scourge of swine flu:
1. Don't boast about how you're never going to get swine flu. (The virus is apparently attracted to hubris.)
2. Don't be Daddy's favorite. (Did you notice how Joe's other kid didn't get a kiss from his father or swine flu? Sure, that other kid may never feel the warmth of his father's affection, and may spend his entire life trying to get the slightest sign of love from an indifferent parent, but he also won't contract a terrible flu named after pigs.)
3. Don't be happy/go anywhere/own a chihuahua. (Swine flu wants to destroy happy, social, chihuahua-owning people. See, once, a long time ago, a young, trusting, innocent Swine Flu was wronged by a happy-go-lucky chihuahua owner, and now Swine Flu has hardened into an extremely vindictive virus.)
As we all know from information stored in the time capsule and later decoded by a wax dummy of Nic Cage, no one survived the Great Swine Flu Panic of 1976. Thankfully, these PSAs are still around to scare us about swine flu.