A new year means more than crowded gyms for a few weeks: All across the world, people are vowing to make 2011 the year they finally start a band. And when they do, they’ll need a name—and chances are, it’ll be inane. Every year, The A.V. Club sees thousands of band names, so we like to consider ourselves experts in noting the memorable ones. Like its predecessors, 2010 provided a bounty of silliness, forced toughness, and further testament to the unbreakable will of bands insisting on putting exclamation points or the word “funk” in their names. Behold!
Jackie And The Treehorns
Fuck Your Yankee Blue Jeans
Earth Girls Are Easy
PS I Love You
Okay, technically not tied to the movie, according to Exclaim, but guilty by association.
(Stop Worrying And) Love The Bomb
The Simpsons/TV references
Who Shot Mr. Burns
Looks like Maggie was more successful here—it appears they broke up.
Bloodbath And Beyond
Song title: “Eat A Bowl Of Fuckstick.” May have changed their name to ZZ BOTTOM.
Band & song references
Say Like The French Say (Fugazi reference?)
"A solo project to explore the notions of depression through imagery and music. Hopefully to captivate a single chord that expresses the way we feel when we are abandoned and capsized by that subtle feeling of melancholy."
"In the beginning, there was the Big Fuckin Skull... When or where It came from is unknowable and doesn't matter, but it was no doubt a really mean and shitty time and place. You know; the kind of time and place capable of producing a killer skull the size of Texas, filled with fuckin hatred."
"If you’re looking for a real live sex toy or an interchangeable, faceless partner, rent one by the hour. Or you might try checking out swingers groups instead of poly groups, if sex is your primary goal. Unicorns are rare, and honestly, most of those you find in polyamorous groups are not interested in what you're offering."
"Thesaurus Rex is the manifestation of all the ill shit I’ve conjured until now, lyrically."
Featuring former members of the egregiously named Dog Fashion Disco!
Annotations Of An Autopsy
Song titles: “In Snakes I Bathe,” “Prosthetic Erection”
A Corpse Vanishes
Diggin’ Up Grandpa
The longer, the better?
Everybody Was In The French Resistance...Now!
The Bewitched Hands On The Top Of Our Heads
They’re French, so maybe it doesn’t sound as clunky in their native tongue?
The Scattered Remains Of A More Glorious Past
The Slowest Runner In All The World
Everything You’ve Ever Known Is A Piece Of Light
The Mystic Order Of Reverb And Twang
The Dirty Marmaduke Flute Squad
Kevin Troy Boy Toy And The Almost Virgins Pajama Party
The World Is A Beautiful Place And I Am No Longer Afraid To Die
Destroy Rebuild Until God Shows
Song title: “Mr. Owl Ate My Metal Worm”
Who Cares How Long You Sink
Shallow Grave Satanic Symphony
This tells you what you need to know:
I Am Committing A Sin
From the bio:
"Each phrase of their every song evokes within the listener stirring pangs of pleasure and intense spasms of euphoria. The formidable arsenal that is I Am Committing A Sin threatens a disturbance in the state of things, to the point of an epidemic, pestilence both degenerative and infectious."
Such talent was too much of a cross to bear: The band called it quits in June.
With My Tiny Hands I Kill You
Without You I’m Everything
Another name-changer now known as the suitably generic Passion Project.
And So I Watch You From Afar
Sorry I Stabbed Your Daughter
I Can Hear Myself Levitate
Winner, Year’s Most Face-Punchingly Emo Song Title: “The Coldest Abyss Of Your Heart”
We Are All Destined To Fail
Hope they found that bass player they were looking for before the big show opening for Mushroomhead!
We Repel Each Other
Song titles: “HiJacked Off,” “Out Of The Butt,” “Into The Fuck”
"YMPS may be a somewhat out-there name but does hinder them from claiming the LONSTAR state as there own."
Jesus, God, etc.
Eve And The Apple
God Loves A Challenge
Mass Murder Messiah
Claimed by two bands! One from Montreal, the other from Wisconsin. But only the latter has a song called “Parasitic Bacterial Infections Of America.”
Andrew W.K. Memorial Category
Sorry For Partying
"maintain your distance from the swamp-life. typically feeding by size, there is no difference between an ice cream cone, and a dripping yoni. burrito, and endowed phallus. your big hungry ass and a hummus platter. appetites are a force to be reckoned with. take it from us."
"Doom, sludge, and all things fucked up certainly play a role in this band, but an electronic, tripped out feel also encompasses their somber output, which evolves to a different plane with each passing song...Sit back, smoke up, and let yourself fall into Drug Honkey’s dark, dirty, and atmospheric mesh of sound."
The Notorious MSG
Bin Laden Blowin Up
Bruce X Campbell
Bio: “BRUCE X CAMPBELL IS A 3 PIECE NOISE GRIND BAND. WE STARTED THIS BAND TO GET DUDES' NUMBERS.”
The Kevin Costner Suicide Pact
The Courtney Lovers
Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr.
You’re so tough!
Arsenal Of Blasphemy
“Needs shows anywhere!” proclaims its Myspace page, which has one of the best band bios ever. An excerpt:
"However, Arsenal is no band to fuck with because they will fuck right back and steal your hoes from you. With a new look and a new view, Arsenal has been working on being more professional by beginning to network and advertise and not only looking at it as a band but their own private business that needs to take off or their fucked. To sum it all up Arsenal is some normal dudes, playing brutal music, partying our asses off and getting the money, pussy and respect!"
And Hell Followed With
Once Upon Atrocity
Minus 50 points if that’s a Cradle Of Filth reference.
Charred Walls Of The Damned
Dismember The Past
War From A Harlot’s Mouth
Suppress The Delusion
We Should Whisper!
Now going by Lamoni, and apparently unaware that the Myspace Twitter widget shows ALL tweets, including replies:
Tiger! Shit! Tiger! Tiger!
Regardless, He’s Caught!
You’re Done For!
Dang! I’m A Boy
Monsters Scare You!
Federal! State! Local!
Wow, their hairspray expenses must be out of control.
"One lesbian couple that played guitars, sang and wrote music together. Another lesbian couple not five minutes away that played bass and drums, sang and wrote music together. The lesbi-gravitational pull was just too much to avoid."
The League Of Extraordinary Gz
Faith And The Muse
A Rose By Any Other Name
Change We Still Dream
Children Of The Almost
Dance Of The Mourning Child
A Sonnet To Silence
Angels Of Babylon
A Crush On Yesterday
Shroud Of Despondency
Destruction Of A Rose
Romance On A Rocketship
The Loveable Tulips
The Love Hangover
Retards In Love
Lying Naked With The Stars
So-and-so and the so-and-sos
OJ And The Broncos
Rock’N’Roll Monkey & The Robots
Jennifer Markey & The Tennessee Snowpants
Dikkk Sexxx And The Weepy Teens
Woo-Man And The Banana
David Carradine And The Autoerotic Asphyxiators
Ching Chong Song
“Brooklyn-based saw/piano duo”
Eine Kleine Chinmuzik
This Magazine Is Haunted
Why The Human Suit
Do You Mean Australia?
My Dry Wet Mess
“Begin by Gathering Supplies deliver an imaginative pastiche of dub-influenced rhythms, well placed, minimal bursts of electronica that range from the psychedelic to the muscular, spare but strikingly ambient guitar textures, earnest and, though never over-wrought, impassioned vocals, and socially conscious lyrics which are refreshing in their personal and prosaic, as opposed to didactic, content.”
The Bow-Legged Gorilla
Bird Ate My Donut
I didn’t see this until long after I added them to the list. Glad to make dreams come true! From their Myspace bio:
“Dream big. For Bird Ate My Donut, that dream is to one day make the Onion’s 'Worst Band Names' of the year list.”
Wrath Of The Girth
Its Myspace page has a photo gallery of stills of its members banging their heads.
Nobody Beats The Drum
Fat Worm Of Error
“WE ARE TERRIBLY ANTISOCIAL-NETWORKERS. USE NORMAL EMAIL. THIS IS JUST A DUMB BILLBOARD YOU SPRAY PAINT ON. DRINK BEER”
25 years too late
Where’s The Beef?
“ATTENTION A & R’S ! ! ! : LOOKING FOR THE PERFECT MAJOR TO SPONSOR OUR PRODUCTIONS AS AN IMPRINT.”
St8 Of Grace
“The band’s music is focused on alternative and progressive rock, with narrative story telling vocals that give you goose bumps every time you hear them. Featuring today’s rappers and special guest artists for a blend and twist of modern culture.”
Kind of genius in its simplicity
The Electric Assholes