Love Actually Is Sex & The City, the movie that Drew Barrymore has been chew-talking about on every available television program for the past week, opens today. While the movie lacks any clear cut signs of a #1 movie—a fat guy on a Segway, Liam Neeson talking the ear off of some kidnappers, abstinent vampires, a wolf man, etc.—if it manages to tug enough reproductive organs to get to the top of the box office, Hollywood is going to come looking for another sitcom-throwaway- line-turned-anemic-self-help-book to transform into a sprawling, dull romantic comedy. And I have just the book. Unlike He's Just Not That Into You, this book doesn't stem from Sex & The City—but it does come from a sitcom equally brimming with sassitude: The Steve Harvey Show. It's called Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man by, you guessed it, Steve Harvey.
From the publisher:
In Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, Steve lets women inside the mindset of a man and sheds lights on concepts and questions such as:
—The Ninety Day Rule: Ford requires it of its employees. Should you require it of your man?
—How to spot a mama's boy and what if anything you can do about it.
—When to introduce the kids. And what to read into the first interaction between your date and your kids.
—The five questions every woman should ask a man to determine how serious he is.
Sometimes funny, sometimes direct, but always truthful, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man is a book you must read if you want to understand how men think when it comes to relationships.
I'm glad that Steve is honest enough to admit that his advice is only going to be direct some of the time. This way, when you get to the long meandering passages about how Butter Pecan ice cream is a metaphor for life, or the lengthy whaling descriptions ("Lemme tell you something about harvesting the bones of a sperm whale..."), you won't become frustrated by the fact that they have nothing whatsover to do with relationship advice. Way to go, Steve Harvey.
The cover of the book alone is a movie concept: the spectre of Steve Harvey haunts desperate women on dates, shouting advice at them until they get their love lives on track. It's part Ghost Dad, part Hitch for ladies: all laughs. Picture it: Drew Barrymore on a first date with Dane Cook at a romantic restaurant. Wine is flowing, the looks between them are smoldering, and Drew, against her better judgement, leans in for a kiss. Ghost Self-Help Guru Steve Harvey, resplendant in his white suit, pops into frame between them, but only Drew can see him. "Girl, have you lost your mind?" he says, "Have you checked his warranty? When was the last time his tires were rotated? Even Ford has a 90-day rule. You think you're better than Ford?" Drew snaps back in her chair, startled. "Get out of here," she stammers. "I am not a car company!" "Good to know," a confused Dane Cook responds. "As long as we're sharing, I am not a car company either. But I am part hardware store. [points at crotch]"
Think Like A Lady, Act Like Steve Harvey: The Movie practically writes itself!