Adventure Time kicks the bucket (for now)

Adventure Time kicks the bucket (for now)

Also: Jason Derulo on Dancing With The Stars, but not dancing, and also not a star

Here’s what’s up in the world of television for Monday, March 17. All times are Eastern. 

Adventure Time (Cartoon Network, 7 p.m.): Happy St. Patrick’s Day! We hate this holiday, so we think you should stay in and watch the fifth-season finale of Adventure Time. As Oliver Sava has been noting, this season has been gangbusters. Tonight the show concludes its 52-episode season with “Billy’s Bucket List,” in which Finn finds the hero Billy’s bucket list, and completes it for him as a final tribute. It seems like something that may make us cry.

Dancing With The Stars (ABC, 8 p.m.): The 18th season premiere, featuring Jason Derulo, for some reason. Derulo will perform his “hit” “Dirty Talk” as the opening contestants all do some sort of choreographed number. The titular “stars” are an even motlier crew than usual: Drew Carey, Olympic gold medalist Meryl Davis, Diana Nyad, and Billy Dee Williams, as Lando Calrissian. Promises to be a doozy.

Paycheck To Paycheck: The Life And Times Of Katrina Gilbert (HBO, 9 p.m.): An HBO original documentary chronicling one single mother’s attempt to get by while broke, uninsured, struggling with health problems, and faced with three children to feed. The film is co-produced by Maria Shriver, as part of her initiative to examine financial insecurity in American women. If you don’t have HBO, the doc will be free on, Maria Shriver’s website, and YouTube for the next week. 

Mom (CBS, 9:30 p.m.): Because we erroneously thought there was a new episode of Mom last week, we’re going to extra-special shout it out today, as if we are talking to our real mom. THERE’S A NEW EPISODE OF MOM, MOM. It is appealingly titled “Toilet Wine And The Earl Of Sandwich.” As usual, Todd VanDerWerff is skipping dinner tonight.

Bates Motel (A&E, 10 p.m.): Because Those Who Kill isn’t on the schedule anymore, Bates Motel is now at 10 p.m.! PREPARE ACCORDINGLY, NORMAN TODD VANDERWERFF-BATES.

Regular Show (Cartoon Network, 7:30 p.m.)
RuPaul’s Drag Race (LOGO, 8 p.m.)
Switched At Birth (ABC Family, 8 p.m.)
How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8 p.m.)
The Following (Fox, 9 p.m.)
Archer (FX, 10 p.m.)
Teen Wolf (MTV, 10 p.m.)
Rick And Morty (Adult Swim, 10:30 p.m.)

Stephen Bowie looks at the groundbreaking ‘50s anthology series, Playhouse 90, for 100 Episodes. The series did 90-minute plays instead of hourlong dramas, gave them an unprecedentedly huge budget (so huge it required nine commercial breaks to fit in all the sponsors!) and made some of the best dramatic television in an era when TV wasn’t thought to be much else except light and trifling. Bowie examines not just the show but its cultural significance; his piece is stuffed with quotes and anecdotes. An epic piece for an epic show.

And for our somewhat topical St. Patrick’s Day content, we have an inventory of 17 drunks who quit for a bit and then fell back off the wagon. Because it wouldn’t be a holiday about joyous drinking without a downer about addiction!

Bones (Fox, 8 p.m.): Now that this show airs before The Following, we watch the last five minutes of it on Mondays! It is better than all of The Following! So what’s up, those two are married now?

Bitten (Syfy, 8 p.m.): Lady werewolf drama. How is this one going? Anyone watching? 

Star-Crossed (The CW, 8 p.m.): This is, oddly, the only other show we can think of with a character named “Grayson.” It must be Carrie Raisler’s doing. She’s gone and infected The CW with Revenge’s playbook. 

The Fosters (ABC Family, 9 p.m.): In case you didn’t know this already, the Switched At Birth reviews include lively discussion of The Fosters every week, because those two air back-to-back. Rep your shit, The Fosters fans!

Steven Universe (Cartoon Network, 8 p.m.): We want to cover this show, and are trying to figure out how to make it work! In the meantime, you should watch it and clamor for coverage, because what if you don’t? WHAT WILL HAPPEN THEN?

The Tomorrow People (The CW, 9 p.m.): Eventually, Rowan Kaiser will drop in on the finale of this series again, so you know, you should keep up, or else you won’t be able to read that, and then he will be sad.

The Private Lives Of Nashville Wives (TNT, 10 p.m.): Has this show proven to be any competition for the Real Housewives franchise? It seems so, so unlikely.

The Blacklist (NBC, 10 p.m.): Based on our numbers for this, we assume no one really cares that this show still exists, but hey, it still exists! Someone named Jolene is in it, and that is a good song.


The Fabulist (E!, 8:30 p.m.):
New series debut. From the press release: 

E! is helping viewers shake those Monday blues with an all-new half-hour weekly dose of pop culture that no lifestyle fashionista will want to miss.The Fabulist will bring together an exciting panel of tastemakers whose fingers are planted firmly on  the pulse of worldwide beauty, fashion, and lifestyle trends.… The hosts will prsent all of the buzzorthy trends that you need to know about now. These fun, hip hosts and outspoken panelists will bring the exclusive roundup of insights and finds into The Fabulist’s NYC studio for lively and topical discussions that will inform and inspire viewers…. If it is about to break through the surface and explode onto the scene, “The Fabulist” will have the scoop.

This, literally, is why we cannot have nice things.

Bob’s Burgers: It’s an episode called “Mazel-Tina”! MAZEL TINA!!! Pilot Viruet has been looking forward to this particular Jewish coming-of-age ceremony for weeks, and she has nothing but a monogrammed t-shirt, a Manischevitz hangover, DJ games, and fond memories to show for it. (Oh, and an A- review. That’s important, probably.

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