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Alex Jones’ first day in court went just great

(Screenshot: YouTube, InfoWars)
(Screenshot: YouTube, InfoWars)

Yesterday, the attorney representing InfoWars host Alex Jones in a custody battle tried to explain that his client’s history of screaming hateful, unhinged nonsense on the air—like, say, that the shooting at Sandy Hook was a hoax, or that the government is run by lizard people who are actively trying to murder American citizens, or about a million casually racist conspiracy theories—was all part of him “playing a character” and being “a performance artist.” If that’s the case, someone probably should’ve told Jones that he only has to play the character when he’s actually doing his show, because the “Alex Jones” character really fucked everything up for Alex Jones the person on the first day of his custody trial.

For starters, Jones filmed a video while driving to court this morning in which he goes on a nearly four-minute rant—not counting stuff that was clearly edited out—about how everyone in the world is an actor, and even though he admits that he’s an actor, he says, “I believe in what I stand for.” That comes in the first few seconds, and the rest of the video is all about how smart and talented he is, with Jones going on to explain that he’s not really a “right-wing extremist,” but he is still trying to repeal all the gun laws and expose “globalism” and the massive conspiracies that supposedly run the world. Basically, as he’s literally on his way to court so his lawyer can explain that the things he says on the radio aren’t real, he’s screaming in his car about how all of the things he says are real. If he’s playing a character, it’s a masterpiece:

As fun as that was, the real fun kicked off when Jones finally got to court. As reported by Death And Taxes, journalists on the scene said that Bobby Newman, the attorney working for Jones’ ex-wife, pointed out that Jones couldn’t remember “basic facts” about his children in a recorded deposition because—and this is in the running for quote of the year—he “had a big bowl of chili for lunch.” That may seem like a ridiculous thing to say, but lawyers actually spend years learning what’s called “The Chili Defense” in school, and it’s typically used when a giant creep who drools over the murder of innocent children needs a way to explain why he couldn’t give less of a shit about his own kids. It’s unclear if it’s supposed to be the “Alex Jones” character who loves chili more than his family, but it’s a fun trait either way.

Unfortunately for Jones (the person), the hits just kept coming today in court. According to The Daily Beast and Death And Taxes, Newman tried to indicate that Jones is too unstable to take care of his kids by showing a series of clips from InfoWars videos in which Jones ripped off his shirt and went on slurred rants about “male vitality” and how “1776 will commence again.” Jones’ attorneys said that the videos were part of his “political satire” and were therefore “unrelated to parenting,” but Newman claimed that Jones also took his clothes off during family therapy sessions. (Again, we don’t know if he was the “Alex Jones” character in that therapy session, but it would seem like a poor choice either way.)

Not all of the videos that Newman tried to show were admissible, though, with the judge rejecting anything overtly political so as not to make the whole trial about Jones’ repugnant political beliefs. Those videos included a clip of Jones at a party with his teenage son where the two of them were throwing darts at a picture of Hillary Clinton’s face, which Jones’ attorneys said could’ve made him look bad to any Clinton supporters on the jury. On a related note, one of the reasons Jones’ ex-wife is trying to get the kids away from him is that they’ve apparently begun repeating some of the things they hear their dad say. Assuming they’re not also playing characters, it seems pretty clear why that might be an issue.

Court has adjourned for the day and Jones himself has yet to take the stand, but considering that this whole thing just started, it’ll probably get even more fun from here on out.

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