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“Alexa Jones” finally speaks the truth you’re unwilling to hear

Photo: InfoWars / Amazon
Photo: InfoWars / Amazon

We live in a culture where it’s not the smartest, most helpful people that we turn to, but the loudest. That’s why we get prime time interviews with conspiracy theorists like Infowars’ Alex Jones, who, in predictable fashion, spent the entire run-up to its airing screaming about how it was a hit job, releasing surreptitiously taped audio, and lambasting interviewer Megyn Kelly for being “not feminine” enough.

Well, if you find Jones’ throaty, bleating baritone reassuring (and with the size of his audience, a lot of people do), the Amazon Echo’s Alexa Jones is for you.

YouTube user Mike Toomey created a parody video that swaps out the Alexa digital assistant’s soothing voice with clips of Jones both bellowing about conspiracies and berating you for not seeing the deep state’s handiwork for what it is.

“You better wake up, get your butts in gear because you are being attacked,” Alexa Jones greets bleary-eyed users as they rise from sleep, preparing them for another exciting day of shoddily gluing together disparate headlines and out-of-context quotes with nefarious governmental plots that have been manufactured whole-cloth within the radioactive recesses of one man’s melting brain.

It’s a brilliant parody and, for the uninitiated, a fine gateway into some of Jones’ more absurd claims. Did you know tap water is “a gay bomb, baby”? Or that some nebulous “they” is “growing humanoids up inside cows and inside pigs” and ”almost every guinea pig is deformed, with their testicles on top of their heads.” Alexa Jones will make you a believer. It’s also the only thing that could make the words “big, fat steak” sound positively obscene.

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