All those Mad Men theories have now been addressed by Jessica Paré, who's obviously a ghost

All those Mad Men theories have now been addressed by Jessica Paré, who's obviously a ghost

Bored with exploring moral ambiguity against a backdrop of shifting social change, fans of Mad Men have impatiently begun ferreting out which of its characters are dead, seeing as the show still insists on playing coy about getting to all the gruesome murders and revealing who’s been dead the whole time already. Esquire has been at the forefront of those theories, having conspired with a 2-year-old Matthew Weiner to publish these photos of Sharon Tate, and plant the clues to Megan Draper’s fate 46 years in advance. (Did a preschool-aged Weiner then collude with the Manson Family? His notorious secretiveness means we’ll never know for sure.)

Now, after a week in which cracking the obvious T-shirt symbolism has revealed that Megan is probably dead, Esquire has resumed its role in this campaign of misdirection by getting Jessica Paré to weigh in. Presumably this was done through séance, as—if your eyes are as open as ours—you now realize that Jessica Paré has always been a ghost.

“Women didn’t really wear a lot of T-shirts at the time, so we were trying to find a T-shirt [oooooooooo, repent your ways or be forever shackled, as I am before you!],” Paré told the magazine in between fits of tormented howling. As the wallpaper cracked and peeled and turned instantly to soot without ever knowing flame, Paré continued that the purpose of the T-shirt was to make Megan seem “vulnerable and casual”: “ Not like vulnerable in an explicitly sexual kind of way, but almost vulnerable in its dowdiness or whatever,” she said, rattling the Ouija board. The interviewer/medium’s planchette then whirled of its own accord before violently shattering against the ceiling as Paré’s spirit added, “He’d come home and see her in this vulnerable state and she’d just say it—say exactly what she’s thinking. [A cold and formless void awaits!].” 

Ghost Paré then confirmed costume designer Janie Bryant’s original assertion that the Tate photo was used as a reference,” though—whether bound by the production’s usual code of silence, or the weight of all her mortal sins unknowingly forged into the double-ironed chains around her—she would only say Tate’s picture was used an example of something “that somebody had worn at the time,” leaving it unspoken as to why that somebody was also an actress who just happened to be famously murdered. “If there was any significance beyond that, I don't know, you'd have to ask Matt,” Paré concluded cryptically, pointing the crooked bone of her finger into the forbidden light and emitting a banshee shriek.