Boston resident Amanda Palmer has somehow found a way to make the city's marathon bombing about her, with the already-pretty-self-involved artist releasing a poem to mark the event. Addressed to suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, “A Poem For Dzhokhar” talks about the events of last week, but also somehow manages to weave in gripes about iPhone battery life, typos, and not knowing how many Vietnamese spring rolls to order.
Palmer attempts to humanize Tsarnaev (which is admirable, we guess?), but ultimately the poem fails on several levels, mostly because it’s absolutely insipid. For example, consider the following eyeroll-inducing segment:
"you don’t know how to stop picking at your fingers.
you don’t know how little you’ve been paying attention until you look down at your legs again.
you don’t know how many times you can say you’re coming until they just stop believing you.
you don’t know how orgasmic the act of taking in a lungful of oxygen is until they hold your head under the water.
you don’t know how many vietnamese soft rolls to order.
you don’t know how convinced your parents were that having children would be, absolutely, without question, the correct thing to do.
you don’t know how precious your iphone battery time was until you’re hiding in the bottom of the boat.
you don’t know how to get away from your fucking parents."
Unsurprisingly, Palmer's Internet detractors have not responded kindly to the piece, causing the Dresden Dolls singer to put a note on the poem’s page that calls out “hateful commenters” and asks that people “proceed with caution and respect.”