Mark Wahlberg will play the lead in Ted, an R-rated comedy about a man whose attempts to grow up and settle down with the right girl are frustrated by the antics of his “carousing, irresponsible slacker” best friend. And while that sounds like a familiar premise, Ted’s twist is that (as we reported in April), instead of being Jack Black or Owen Wilson or the like, said slacker best friend is actually a CGI teddy bear boasting the basso profondo of Seth MacFarlane, who will also be making his feature directing debut. Wahlberg will frown, get flustered, put his hands on his hips, and gesture emphatically as “an average Boston guy” (it’s the role he was born to play) who, as a child, wished that his teddy bear would come to life, and so it did.
The film follows the now-adult Wahlberg as he deals with the bear’s similarly adult antics—which sounds a lot like Drop Dead Fred, which would make Wahlberg the Phoebe Cates in this situation. It’s also not unlike the John Candy talking-horse movie Hot To Trot, which would make Wahlberg the Bobcat Goldthwait, we guess. Hey, speaking of Hot To Trot, what was up with Dabney Coleman’s teeth in that movie? It’s like they didn’t already have enough exaggerated comedy with Bobcat Goldthwait screaming and sweating all over everything and John Candy playing a talking horse, so they also had to give Dabney Coleman this weird, distracting dental prosthesis? And come to think of it, Bobcat Goldthwait also played a stockbroker in that film, which is a way more ridiculous premise than a talking horse. Anyway, sorry, we get easily distracted talking about Hot To Trot. So yeah: Wahlberg, MacFarlane, Ted. Look for it.