Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Wednesday, February 5. All times are Eastern.
Top Chef (Bravo, 10 p.m.):A season of Top Chef that What’s On Tonight’s wife describes as “Eh. Whatever.” concludes with everybody in sunny Hawaii, though only one may triumph over adversity and take the title of “top chef,” which means less and less as the years go on. This is probably the last season of the show we’ll cover, as your ardor for the series has cooled precipitously over the past three or four seasons, but that’s okay. Life goes on, people grow older, and reality TV shows get deleted from DVR season pass lists. Sonia Saraiya will be there to play “Nearer My God To Thee” as the great ship Top Chef goes down.
The Middle (ABC, 8 p.m.): It’s a super-weird night for TV, because the networks would typically be gearing up for February sweeps, but the Winter Olympics start tomorrow, so they’re also preparing to take a couple of weeks off. Will Harris lets the Hecks know he’ll see them in a little while.
Modern Family (ABC, 9 p.m.): Meanwhile, Joshua Alston does the same with the Pritchett-Tucker-Dunphys. Also: Did you know the kid who plays Luke is in high school now? Because we did not, and it made us realize that time keeps on slippin’, slippin’, slippin’ into the future.
Broad City (Comedy Central, 10:30 p.m.): Caroline Framke invites you all to sing the title of this song by slipping the word “Broad” in place of “Rock” in KISS’ “Detroit Rock City.” It actually works surprisingly well.
TV CLUB CLASSIC
Mad Men (1 p.m.): Nobody knows “The Hobo Code” like Don Draper knows “The Hobo Code,” but Todd VanDerWerff has been studying up on “The Hobo Code” because he just likes the way it sounds. All those long o’s. So pleasant to the ears!
ELSEWHERE IN TV CLUB
It’s time for the latest installment of our TV Roundtable series on our staff’s favorite episodes of all time. Today, Molly Eichel leads a discussion of Roseanne’s “A Stash From The Past,” with Erik Adams, Phil Dyess-Nugent, and Ryan McGee catching a contact high. Go read it now!
WHAT ELSE IS ON
P&G: How To Raise An Olympian (NBC, 8 p.m.): Wake up early to keep them fed with lots and lots of healthy oats and maybe bring along an apple and some sugarcubes for a treat. What? You want your kid to be an Olympian? What’s On Tonight’s DNA is very clumsy, so it’s betting on its prize pony.
Criminal Minds (CBS, 9 p.m.): CBS’ venerable procedural hits 200 episodes. We’re betting they celebrated with a confetti shower… of blood. Or maybe just a giant cake reading “200,” which dripped blood when someone cut into it!
Hitler’s Secret Attack On America (National Geographic Channel, 9 p.m.): We certainly hope this is referring to the new Adolf Hitler gimmick account and not some gimcrack and bunkum about an attack on America Hitler never actually carried out.
Men At Work (TBS, 10 p.m.): TBS’ sitcom about men who also work has somehow made it to a third season. Unlike with TV Land’s shows, we never hear anybody talking about TBS’ non-Bill Lawrence shows with anything like fondness. Anybody want to speak up for them?
The Best Years Of Our Lives (TCM, 8 p.m.): Okay, forget everything else on TV, because The Best Years Of Our Lives is on tonight. That should be the only thing you watch. In fact, watch it twice. It’s that good.
Miss Congeniality (ABC Family, 9 p.m.): Unless you’d rather watch this “Sandra Bullock is in the FBI and also has to go undercover at a beauty pageant” movie. We won’t judge. Okay, we’ll judge a little.
NHL Hockey: Penguins at Sabres (NBC Sports, 7:30 p.m.): The Sabres are in last place in the Atlantic, while the Penguins are in first place in the Metropolitan (which… what does that even mean, hockey?), so you can probably guess how this one will go down. Enjoy it for now! It’s Olympic hockey after this!
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
New Girl (Tuesday): There’s a five minute stretch of this episode Erik Adams tried to sell to us as the funniest five minutes he’s seen so far this year. To be fair to 2014, we’re only 36 days into it. To be fair to Erik, he’s probably right. Also: What’s up with this show always being better in the winter and spring than fall?