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Apple creates an App Store section for narcissism

“I wonder if the readers will find this as amusing as I do,” I thought when I read the news on Engadget that Apple had set up a mini-section in the App Store dedicated to selfies. “I will make that thought the first sentence of the Newswire post,” I then mused, “and I will make the second sentence an escalation of the narcissism in the first sentence.” I paused. “Is this silly or disgustingly self-involved?” I wondered. I decided that it was both. Then I wrote all of those things, as you can see. I wrote them to draw attention to myself, which is okay. I know it’s okay because Apple made a section in the App Store for it.

I looked over the offerings in the Sharing Selfies section. “There are so many ways to let people look at myself!” I marveled. Some of them were clever: Front Flash uses my iPhone’s screen as a makeshift flash so I can photograph myself in a dim dive bar or if I am locked in a trunk. Some of them were practical: Snapchat is a popular program used to create self-destructing photographs of genitals. Some of them were aspirational: With 1 Second Everyday, I can take single-second videos of myself, in the hope that my life will seem more interesting if it is chopped up into indiscernible fragments.

I took a picture of the A.V. Club staffers who were in the office at the moment I was writing this story. It came out kinda cute and kinda blurry, as selfies do. I looked at it for a while and decided to reframe it.

This seemed better. Even more selfie-ish.

This seemed better.

Better.

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