Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis have signed up for “substantial” roles in The Expendables 2, rejoining Sylvester Stallone in the sequel to the most bloodthirsty Cialis commercial ever conceived. Both actors had cameos in the first film that amounted to little more than a wink among a feature-length nudge, but with the first Expendables clocking in at over $200 million—and, respectively, a career-derailing sex scandal to overcome and an aging franchise to reboot—Schwarzenegger and Willis obviously had a lot of interest in the story and characters this time, which must be very compelling indeed. "There is some real substance here," they probably said. But while the specific plot details on the Simon West-directed film remain hazy, most rumors have involved who will fill out the rest of the ensemble, a roster that still evokes a fevered hallucination in the aisles of a mid-’90s Blockbuster Video.
Along with the returning Dolph Lundgren, Mickey Rourke, and Jet Li—as well as the more modern additions Jason Statham, “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, Randy Couture, and Terry Crews—Chuck Norris, Jean-Claude Van Damme, and John Travolta are also reportedly on board, making for a fun game of “spot the anomaly.” Presumably Travolta’s role in this will be slightly more tactical and/or prissily insane. And of course, there’s still plenty of time for more rumor-mongering over who might also find their way into the nostalgia kickline, a sprawling list that includes everyone from Mr. T and Hulk Hogan to Vin Diesel and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, from Lorenzo Lamas and Jeff Speakman to Carl Weathers and Charlie Sheen. Somewhere out there, Billy Blanks is doing Tae Bo extra hard today.