Here’s what’s up in the world of television for Monday, March 3. All times are Eastern.
Bates Motel (A&E, 9 p.m.): Remember when the last name “Farmiga” inspired excitement, not pity? Todd VanDerWerff doesn’t! Tonight, the Freudian Upbringing Of Norman Bates returns for a second season, with little Norman dealing with Miss Watson’s death in the series premiere. It’s not going to be pretty, but at least Todd will enjoy writing about it. (Maybe!)
Almost Human (Fox, 8 p.m.): This show has struggled to find its voice, but tonight, it attempts to make the most of things with its first-season finale. We’re not that moved by the lyrical stylings of Karl Urban and Michael Ealy, but we are moved by the stylings of Kevin McFarland, who will offer us his thoughts on the show as a whole in his review.
The Following (Fox, 9 p.m.): The king is dead; long live the king. Now that David Sims has departed our warm embrace for another gig (and we’re not heartbroken about that at all), it’s time to pass the torch of The Following reviews to Sonia Saraiya, who we figure can handle them, as she is already largely insane anyway. We know there’s no way she can replace David in your hearts, but she’ll try to offer her own spin on the lovely yarn of gore, serial killers, and psychosexual horror that is one of Fox’s highest-rated dramas. Tonight, Ryan’s niece Max is kidnapped by a serial killer who skins his victims; Sonia hopes she can get through the rest of the episode without vomiting all over her review.
Archer (FX, 10 p.m.): Archer gets a rockstar (voiced by Kenny Loggins!) to perform at Lana’s baby shower. Sonia Saraiya asks: Is “Danger Zone” appropriate for an impending childbirth? There’s only one way to find out.
Teen Wolf (MTV, 10 p.m.): Did you know that the kid from Maid In Manhattan who plays Jennifer Lopez’s son is the lead in this MTV drama about Werewolves That Are Also Teens? We didn’t. But Phil Dyess-Nugent probably did. Tonight, Kira discovers her abilities, on a Very Special Episode of Teen Wolf.
Adventure Time (Cartoon Network, 7 p.m.):
Regular Show (Cartoon Network, 7:30 p.m.)
Switched At Birth (ABC Family, 8 p.m.)
RuPaul’s Drag Race (LOGO, 8 p.m.)
How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8 p.m.)
Mom (CBS, 9:30 p.m.)
ELSEWHERE IN TV CLUB
Carrie Raisler wrote up teen-soap legend Dawson’s Creek for our 100 Episodes feature—a show that despite its ups and downs, defined a generation.
Dawson’s Creek’s signature hyper-articulate dialogue, metatextual references, and aforementioned preoccupation with sex combined to create a world in which everyone talked about sex like they were in a television show, and then remarked upon how they were talking like they were in a television show.
Those crazy kids!
And Todd VanDerWerff reviews both Those Who Kill, another serial-killer drama, this time involving Chloe Sevigny; and the upcoming book Sitcom, which attempts to chronicle the history of the genre, from I Love Lucy to Community.
WHAT ELSE IS ON?
The Bachelor (ABC, 8 p.m.): In this 90-minute special presentation, titled “The Women Tell All,” Sharleen explains why she really left as the contestants look forward to next week’s GRIPPING AND PROBABLY NOT THAT SHOCKING FINALE. Juan Pablo is the worst.
Southern Charm (Bravo, 10 p.m.): We got really excited about the special preview for this show about a month ago; now Bravo is finally airing this sucker, complete with six improbably named WASPs and drama set in historic Charleston. Play along at home, with the fun game “How many Civil War references are going to make it into the final cut?”
Beat Bobby Flay! (Food Network, 10 p.m.): In this new show, contestants are exhorted to beat celebrity chef Bobby Flay! (Why didn’t they call it Flay Bobby Flay! Or Slay Bobby Flay!?)
Bates Motel: After Hours (A&E, 11 p.m.): Just in case that wasn’t enough Bates Motel for you, here’s more Bates Motel! To talk about Bates Motel in Bates Motel with Bates and Bates of the Bates Motel! BATES MOTEL!
An American Werewolf In London (Flix, 8 p.m.): “On vacation in England with his friend, an American tourist ignores the locals' warnings and walks out after dark; he is attacked and becomes a werewolf.”
Failure To Launch (Oxygen, 8 p.m.): #TrueDetectiveSeason2: Matthew McConaughey still lives with his parents at 35; Sarah Jessica Parker plays the woman hired to “lure him out of the house.” Sounds like a barrel of laughs!
College Basketball: Notre Dame at North Carolina (ESPN, 7 p.m.): Has the madness of March started again? We’re seriously asking because we have no idea. But if it has, maybe this is a part of it! If not, get psyched for the madness, for it approaches! IT NEARS. ITS ICY BREATH IS COLD ON THE BACKS OF OUR NECKS.
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
The Walking Dead: And while the rest of you watched the stupid Oscars, Zack Handlen toiled away at this review of last night’s The Walking Dead. You don’t appreciate him enough.