Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Monday, March 26. All times are Eastern.
The Voice (NBC, 8 p.m.): It’s the final week for battle rounds, and while that sounds like it should involve people battling to the death in arenas, it actually doesn’t. It just involves combat through singing, which isn’t as awesome as it sounds, trust us. Now, granted, a few of these singers’ voices could be considered to be weaponized sounds, but we don’t think they’re capable of killing each other. We assume that Emily Yoshida would have told us if someone had hit a note at a frequency that caused the person singing opposite them to gasp, eyes popping out, brains leaking out of their ears. It seems like something we’d have been made aware of, at least. (Another bonus: Since this is the last week for battle rounds, it’s the last week of our lame jokes about how battle rounds should have more violence!)
Alcatraz (Fox, 8 p.m.): Is this the end for Alcatraz? Will Harris and a few of you think the show is finally hitting its stride, just in time for the show’s terrible ratings to consign it to an almost certain doom. Others of you could care less if it comes back. Anyway, the final two episodes of season one air tonight.
Being Human (Syfy, 9 p.m.): So as it turns out, the Reaper that Sally had to face off with had a secret identity that was sort of clever and crazy but also completely stupid and out of nowhere. Phil Dyess-Nugent doesn’t know what to make of this. To be fair, he’s completely baffled by this show in general.
RuPaul’s Drag Race (Logo, 9 p.m.): Tonight’s episode is called “Frock The Vote,” and our assumption is that the show will feature a sober, serious-minded discourse on the benefits of multi-party political systems, with elections featuring instant run-off voting. Oliver Sava loves the parliamentary system!
Castle (ABC, 10 p.m.): Castle and Beckett try to reconstruct the crucial seconds leading up to a deadly bomb blast in this episode. Much to their chagrin, they discover that everybody spent those last few seconds in a flash mob, and Phil Dyess-Nugent just hates flash mobs. That’s an instant D-!
Smash (NBC, 10 p.m.): Derek decides to steal the musical, because why the hell not? And if plots like these are the reason Theresa Rebeck left the show/was fired, then we’re happy that she got out from under the network’s influence/was removed before she wrecked the show so much Noel Murray wept.
TV CLUB CLASSIC
Scrubs (11 a.m.): J.D. and Elliott end up in bed together again, and they decide to become “sex buddies,” and if there’s one thing Myles McNutt knows from watching a lot of television, it’s that “sex buddies” never work out. He also knows that if you pay someone to be your fake spouse, it always works out.
Batman: The Animated Series (1 p.m.): How did Harley Quinn meet The Joker? Somehow, we’re pretty sure it didn’t involve speed dating or bake sales or sock hops, but Oliver Sava’s finds out in this episode, when Batman and Robin get Harley to help them stop the Joker from setting off an atomic bomb.
WHAT ELSE IS ON
Oprah’s Lifeclass: The Tour (OWN, 8 p.m.): Oprah hits the road to tell people in various cities what’s up and better ways to consider living their lives. If she comes to your city and you’re not looking for advice, you should stay far, far away. Otherwise, feel free to go and find out just what’s wrong with you.
100 Shows To See Before You Die (TV Guide Network, 9 p.m.): The TV Guide Network tries to come up with a list of 100 shows you must see if you want to talk about TV. But, we ask, just where is short-lived, early ‘90s sitcom Rhythm And Blues, starring Robin Williams wannabe Roger Kabler? We watched it.
Inside Fenway Park: An Icon At 100 (PBS, 10 p.m.): Scott Von Doviak can’t get enough of those Red Sox, so he’s going to check out this special about the history of one of the country’s most historic ballparks. We’re hoping he adds a 2,500 word exegesis on the meanings of the Green Monster.
Brooklyn 11223 (Oxygen, 11 p.m.): Another reality show set among irritating, oversexed twentysomethings who do annoying things and hang out and talk about their lives? Oxygen hopes that the slumping ratings for Jersey Shore don’t mean that their new show is doomed too, but it probably is.
Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen (FX, 7 p.m.): Check out one of the most popular, least comprehensible movies of all time. We saw it, and we’re still not sure why Sam Witwicky ends up in robot heaven when he briefly dies, other than the fact that we’d all like to go to robot heaven.
Kes (TCM, 8 p.m.): Have you been saying to yourself, “Hey, self, wouldn’t it be great if TCM aired a movie prominently featuring falconry tonight?” and then you got all sad because The Royal Tenenbaums was the only film you could think of that counted? TCM has heard your cries! Kes also features falconry.
NCAA Women’s Basketball Tournament (ESPN, 7 p.m.): Here come the regional finals, one of which is in Des Moines, Iowa, the most glamorous city in all of Iowa. This is actually a lie. We all know that Iowa City is the most glamorous city in all of Iowa. We were just joshin’ you with the Des Moines thing.
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
Luck (Sunday): The ill-fated David Milch/Michael Mann collaboration comes to its end with a stirring, terrific season/series finale that will likely make you just a little sad we’ll never get to see how all of this turned out. Todd VanDerWerff wants to be a jockey, thanks to this show. A 750-pound jockey.