Concerned that today’s children simply do not have enough semi-educational programming to get high to, the BBC has announced that it’s reviving Teletubbies after a nearly 13-year absence. The network’s CBeebies channel will soon be home to 60 new episodes of the show about four brightly colored alien toddlers with televisions for stomachs, a nonsensical babble for a language, an anthropomorphic vacuum cleaner for a friend, and no purpose beyond playing games in the grass of their pastoral idyll—a charmed life that appeals equally to preschool-aged kids and anyone else who’s not ready to go to work just yet.
The original, 365-episode run of Teletubbies lasted from 1997 to 2001, though it’s gained immortality in reruns and the demonic manifestations currently tormenting Jerry Falwell, who went to his grave tortured by his confusing feelings for Tinky-Winky. Thanks to its continued worldwide popularity, the BBC hopes to introduce a new generation to Teletubbies by giving these new episodes the “technological sparkle” of CGI enhancement, which should pair well with today’s similarly upgraded MDMA.
Submit your Newswire tips here