Though its March 2012 debut failed to make much of a splash, A&E’s Duck Dynasty continues to shatter Nielsen records like so many flimsy egg shells, beak-ginning its fourth season by setting an all-time high for a nonfiction cable show. Accord-wing to a network press release, 11.8 million viewers tuned in to “’Til Duck Do Us Part,” flying the show past its previous high watermark of 9.6 million viewers. And that’s not to mention the 6.5 million it required for the season-two finale to nest atop the list of highest-rated telecasts in the history of A&E—a network that has increasingly little use for history, art, or entertainment now that it’s aware of colorful Southerners and forced duck puns. In fact, considering that this Newswire post contains both an image of the Robertson clan and groan-inducing, aquatic-fowl-based wordplay, The A.V. Club is positively shocked that millions of people haven’t already flocked to it. Can’t you see those beards? What about our shoehorning of “beak” and “bill” into the headline? C’mon—don’t be re-duck-ulous. Those qualities aren’t all they’re quacked up to be.