Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Tuesday, December 10. All times are Eastern.
Trophy Wife (ABC, 9:30 p.m.): And Brandon Nowalk said unto them,“Fear not: for behold, I bring unto you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this night on the network of Disney a Savior, which is BERT! And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the BERT! wrapped in Christmas pajamas, probably shouting hilariously about something.: And suddenly there was with Brandon Nowalk a multitude of the Hillary host, praising the casting of Trophy Wife, and saying “Glory to Christmas episodes in the highest, and on earth peace, goodwill toward Malin Akerman.
Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. (ABC, 8 p.m.): Coulson partners with pilot callback Mike Peterson in an episode that looks to heat up the S.H.I.E.L.D.-Centipede rivalry. Which is good news for David Sims, because he’s been hoping an episode of Agents would nudge him toward buying either a S.H.I.E.L.D. jersey or a Centipede cap.
Black Mirror (DirecTV, 9 p.m.): No spoilers intended, but try to approach tonight’s episode of Black Mirror by, er, avoiding spoilers of any kind. David Sims isn’t even sure that you should know that he’s writing a review, lest he somehow subliminally broadcast his thoughts while composing the piece.
Sons Of Anarchy (FX, 10 p.m.): SONS OF ANARCHY DVR ALERT: Your season pass expires at midnight Eastern tonight—because that’s when the most recent Sons Of Anarchy finale expires. Zack Handlen just might expire at that time as well.
Awkward.(MTV, 10:30 p.m.): And in other DVR-related activity, the next two episodes of Awkward.—the last two of the current season—are hour-long installments. For Myles McNutt, no second can be spared in the quest to reinstate guidance counselor Valerie Marks.
WHAT ELSE IS ON
American Country Awards (Fox, 8 p.m.): It’s not the Country Music Awards (those were last month), and it’s not the Academy of Country Music Awards either (those are set for next April). This is, however, the one country-related ceremony that’s guaranteed to feature Keith Urban plugging American Idol without a hint of shame.
The Year Without A Santa Claus (ABC Family, 9 p.m.): Rankin/Bass’ crowning stop-motion achievement is too much—and now “The Snow Miser Song” is stuck in your head until January. (Or maybe it’s “The Heat Miser Song,” if you’re some kind of weirdo firebug like that.)
Amish Mafia (Discovery, 10 p.m.): Several of cable’s least reputable reality franchises—like Moonshiners and Dance Moms—are celebrating the holidays tonight. And yet it’s this Christmas episode, from a show that chronicles a community with fairly direct ties to Christmas, that sets What’s On Tonight’s teeth on edge.
The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show (CBS, 10 p.m.): Seriously,“A Very Amish Christmas” comes off as more tacky than this annual parade of gaudy underthings. It’s probably because The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show is such an established fixture of the December calendar that the models may as well be animated by Rankin/Bass
Jurassic Park (Encore, 8 p.m.): Last call for 20th anniversary Jurassic Park wistfulness! Next stop: Realizing that Weezer’s “blue album” turns 20 next year and using that as an excuse to feel as old as dirt.
Kind Hearts And Coronets (TCM, 8 p.m.): Friend of The A.V. Club Patton Oswalt kicks off his night in the TCM guest-programmer’s chair with this British caper, in which Alec Guinness plays eight members of the same doomed family. If it weren’t already a movie, it would certainly be something Oswalt would invent for his stand-up act.
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
Sleepy Hollow: Beware! Here be golems. And also John Noble, but even Fringe superfan Zack Handlen is more excited about Sleepy Hollow mixing a little Jewish folklore into its supernatural stew.