In news that raises the question of whether the Inauguration is all just meaningless pageantry, it has now been confirmed that Beyoncé’s rendition of “The Star-Spangled Banner” was not actually performed live yesterday, leaving us to wonder why the government even threw a Beyoncé concert at the National Mall in the first place. A spokesperson for the U.S. Marine Band, who was deployed in service of a national lie, tells CNN that Beyoncé “did not actually sing,” but rather opted to use a pre-recording at the last minute for reasons unexplained, but which likely have to do with the Illuminati. The National Mall, after all, is laid out in the shape of an owl representing the mythical goddess Lilith, sitting just below the D.C. pentagram topped by the White House, and at one point Beyoncé can be seen dramatically removing her earpiece to better receive secret Illuminati messages.
Another possible explanation: The Marine Band spokesperson and many others since have pointed out that there are lots of famous examples of this (Yo-Yo Ma at Obama’s first Inauguration; Whitney Houston at the Super Bowl), and that Beyoncé may have similarly chosen to go with backing tracks, due to concerns the cold weather would hamper her performance. Whatever the reasoning, much like Obama’s flubbing of the Inaugural oath, this revelation instantly renders Obama’s presidency illegitimate for another four years. Tellingly, the White House has yet to comment.