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Bill Cosby to hold town hall meetings on how to avoid sexual assault charges

Not assault. Assault CHARGES.

Photo: Gilbert Carrasquillo / Getty Images
Photo: Gilbert Carrasquillo / Getty Images

Today in “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” spokespeople for Bill Cosby have announced Cosby’s intention to hold a series of town hall seminars to “educate young people about sexual assault,” according to TMZ. But the purpose of the meetings doesn’t seem to be educating them on why sexual assault is bad, or how to not sexually assault people. It’s to educate them on how to protect themselves from accusations of sexual assault.

The town hall sessions will be aimed at college athletes, spokesman Andrew Wyatt tells Good Day Alabama, because Lord knows they’re at special risk of having their bright futures ruined by something so trivial as a rape conviction. “They should know what they’re facing when they’re hanging out and partying, when they’re doing certain things they shouldn’t be doing,” he says. “It also affects married men!,” he adds with a chuckle.

His colleague Ebonee Benson adds that statutes of limitations on sexual assault are being extended all the time, and potential accusees must be aware of the legal landscape lest they be taken down by “a brush against the shoulder,” or being accused of drugging and sexually assaulting more than 60 women, or whatever.

Cosby’s trial for the alleged 2004 sexual assault of Andrea Constand ended in a mistrial last weekend. He’s hoping to take this “educational” tour on the road starting in July.

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