Ending months of rumors followed by quick denials of those rumors accompanied by overwhelming indifference and a slight sleepiness, Fox used today's upfront presentation to formally introduce Britney Spears and Demi Lovato as the new judges on The X Factor, where they will help to ensure that any winner of the televised singing competition measures up to the standard of artistic integrity they themselves embody. "The future of music is far too important to be entrusted to indistinguishable manufactured pop stars propped up by producers and layers of artifice, and we will weed them out with impunity in favor of unique new voices, y'all," Spears and Lovato did not say, because that would be ridiculous. Instead they said some stuff about being "totally stoked" and how this would be "so much fun" for them, this serving as the arbiter for a new generation of talent by offering gentle platitudes and liberal deployment of the term "sweetie." But their fellow judge L.A. Reid really did call The X Factor "the Rolls Royce of reality TV," perhaps in that it's driven by people you'll resent.
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