With no more Transformers to play with, Paramount is determined to make its next G.I. Joe film the summer blockbuster involving characters created to sell action figures of 2012, a campaign that now includes luring Bruce Willis to play a lead role. Willis would play General Joe Colton, a highly decorated former Green Beret tasked with creating the ultimate fighting force in the world—which he naturally named after himself, because while he’s excellent at all aspects of military strategy, he’s not so good at coming up with names. Willis’ possible role was first rumored last month, with The Hollywood Reporter now saying that he’s in final negotiations to join a cast that will include fellow new recruits Dwayne Johnson and Adrianne Palicki, as well as returning star Channing Tatum, whose parents also weren’t so good at coming up with names. Should Willis sign on, here is how approximately all of his G.I. Joe press junket interviews will go: REPORTER: “So, did you know that, in the comics, your character occasionally worked with a scientist named G.I. Jane, which is the name of a movie your ex-wife did?” BRUCE WILLIS: [Approximately 15 seconds of silent squinting as Bruce Willis contemplates how his life ended up at this exact moment.] “I heard that. That’s interesting.”
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