Burger King Punks Fatties

Fast food is many things: that rock of regret sitting in your stomach; childhood memories encased in soggy buns, covered in plastic-shiny American cheese, and accompanied by a sad TMNT collectible; a steady stream of income for Rachael Ray and Heidi Klum (in Germany); the world's largest purveyor of wilted lettuce; the reason you know the name "Morgan Spurlock."

But is fast food something else entirely, something important? Is it, in fact, the fatty, gooey, McGriddle-y glue that holds our tenuous society together?

In a word, no. But Burger King recently made an 8-minute long, hidden-camera commercial about what happens when you tell people who eat Whoppers that the sandwich that they subsist on is no longer available. Why? Because apparently the best way to ensure brand loyalty is to fuck with the loyal customers who are addicted to your food.

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Watch out, America. You never know when you'll get King'd!

Maybe for the next commercial, the counter guy can dangle a Whopper on a string in front of the customers while they run around, just to see how much they want it.

Nice try, Burger King, but you should have kept this little hidden-camera "investigation" going. Everyone knows that the actual answer to "What happens when you take away Whoppers?" is "Weight loss."

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