The traditional knock on baseball is that it’s boring, and this is because it is. We call it the American pastime for a reason: It involves a lot of time, which you pass, either by standing in the outfield praying that no one hits something near you or by sitting in the stands slowly getting drunk. If you’re watching it on TV, it’s either the playoffs or something you have on in the background. You snap to attention when something good happens.
Yesterday something extremely good happened, as a small gray cat scampered onto the field during a Miami Marlins game. Marlins right fielder Giancarlo Stanton attempted to gather the cat, but anyone who has attempted to gather a cat before knows how that shit turned out: The cat squirmed away, up a neon sign, into an enormous installation of palm trees and water jets that the Marlins use to celebrate home runs, and, eventually, away from the prying eyes of the public. As of press time, the whereabouts of baseball cat are unknown, but if it is a stray, it is presumably being heralded as King Baseball Cat by the other felines it now holds under its sway.
For its electrifying contributions to the sport of baseball, we are honored to present it this honor:
See you in Cooperstown, buddy.
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