Here’s what’s up in the world of television for Tuesday, December 31. All times are Eastern.
Regular Show (Cartoon Network, 7 p.m.): December 31 is the one night of the year everyone has license to get weird. So what better way to do so then kicking off your New Year’s Eve festivities with a talking raccoon, his blue jay BFF, their sentient gumball machine of a boss, and the other slacker caricatures of Regular Show? “No better way, that’s how!” Alasdair Wilkins declares, masking the resentment he feels toward having to work tonight. Here’s a party horn for your troubles, Alasdair.
WHAT ELSE IS ON?
A Football Life (NFL Network, 9 p.m.): Concluding a two-part look at the career of legendary Green Bay Packers coach Vince Lombardi, a man who didn’t live to see the modern-day, year-end bowl lineup. Now that’s a life made up of football.
Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve With Ryan Seacrest (ABC, 10 p.m.): Or, as it would be more accurately described in this, the second year of the post-Clark era: Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve With Ryan Seacrest Featuring Your Party Guests’ Opinions Of Miley Cyrus And The Crushing Existential Horror Of Realizing That Both Fall Out Boy And Blondie Count As “Legacy Performers” (Featuring Macklemore And Ryan Lewis—Macklemore And Ryan Lewis? But Of Course!—With Special Guest Appearance By A Stranger You’ve Just Met Hollering Icona Pop In Your Ear).
Girl Code (MTV, 10 p.m.): MTV’s comedic talking heads have some thoughts on the proper way to ring in 2014. Of course, if you’re at home watching MTV at 10 o’clock tonight, your New Year’s Eve is already starting off on the wrong foot.
New Year’s Eve Live! (Fox, 11 p.m.): In the event H8R comes clawing its way back from the grave in 2014, Mario Lopez might consider turning his shame camera on Fox, which in 2013 stranded the erstwhile A.C. Slater in another season of The X Factor, and then made him work New Year’s Eve. What did Mario Lopez ever do to you, Fox? (Maybe he and Alasdair Wilkins can team up to reap a Fox/A.V. Club double revenge.)
Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory (ABC Family, 8:30 p.m.): New Year’s Resolutions As Movie Picks, Part One: Cool it with the gluttony/selfishness/compulsive behaviors. Don’t quit watching TV, though. Try watching more next year.
Eat Pray Love (TVGN, 9 p.m.): New Year’s Resolutions As Movie Picks, Part Two: Find true happiness by not taking life advice from Ryan Murphy projects.
Chick-Fil-A Bowl: Duke Vs. Texas A&M (ESPN, 8 p.m.): A signature blend of herbs, spices, and athletic powerhouses from the South, served up with a side of regret about Chick-Fil-A corporate policies.
BEST OF TV CLUB
Sharknado: While most were content to sit back and lob sarcastic bombs via Twitter, Caroline Framke did the hard work and engaged with Sharknado. She also made some jokes because she’s only human. (And it’s only Sharknado!)