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Charlie Sheen stumbles drunkenly through the Taco Bell drive-thru of life

Forever enjoying the Fourthmeal of life, Charlie Sheen—as so many who take full advantage of our brief time here—found himself drunk in the Taco Bell drive-thru. Sheen is a man of extreme pleasures who prefers his nachos bellgrande, his Doritos totally loco. Normal people might say, “You can’t roll a burrito inside a quesadilla—that’s too much.” Fuck that. It’s called a Quesarito, and it’s Charlie Sheen’s soulmate. To the Bell, even if it means Gary has to drive.

“Sorry I’m so fuckin’ hammered,” Sheen says to his fellow burrito vivant in this video, as the actor stumbles through this impromptu Sheen safari. Though, of course, he’s not sorry. Why would he be, when they are all simply enjoying everything from life’s Craving Menu? Others’ souls may be Stuft© with doubt; Sheen’s soul is Stuft© with unabashed joy and undiluted booze. He lives his life XXL. 

“Awesome!” Sheen declares. “Right on! Cool!” And he means it.

Sheen shows the world his Charlie Brown tattoo and the world is awed into silence. “Charlie Brown,” it finally says. “You’re hilarious,” Sheen replies. We’re all getting along great.

And yet, like mortality itself, Gary lurks over Sheen’s shoulder. “Let him go!” he cries to us. But Sheen insists it’s fine, it’s fine. He’d like to stay here a while longer, entertaining us as we idle, reminding us that—even though it will cost you extra—life should always be supreme.

[via Reddit]

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