So, look: Your regular Newswire editor Sean O'Neal is on vacation. Thus, the rest of us are filling in. I mention this for two reasons: To explain Sean's absence and to explain why this Charlie Sheen news update will inevitably fall short of expectations. If Sean were here, he would supply an awesome graphic and layer it with links to previous Charlie Sheen news. All I can do is grimly report that Comedy Central has announced Sheen will be the subject of The Comedy Central Roast Of Charlie Sheen. The special, slated to tape in Los Angeles on September 10, will likely consist of the usual suspects joining forces to provide Sheen with some insults about... well, your guess is as good as mine, but they'll probably, as usual, be made toothless by the context and the cutaway shots to Sheen looking like he's having the time of his life. Because if we can't all unite to show a woman-abusing unrepentant drug addict with delusions of grandeur a good time and yet more free publicity, what hope is there for us?