Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Wednesday, August 1. All times are Eastern.
Hit & Miss (DirecTV’s Audience Network, 10 p.m.): We’ve been enjoying this show where Chloe Sevigny plays a transsexual assassin, but, then, we would, since all of those are words that we very much enjoy, particularly when they’re combined in that fashion. And since it looks like this season is the only one that will ever exist, it’s best that you check it out, now that only three more episodes will be around for you to see. In tonight’s, stepdaughter Riley gets in on the family business in a big way. Farihah Zaman has never assassinated anybody, but she will gladly watch television shows about people who do.
The 2012 Summer Olympics (NBC, 8 p.m.): Kevin McFarland checks out even more of that synchronized diving. We have a little event at the TV Club offices we like to call “synchronized TV episode reviewing,” but Kevin always gets tripped up on the all-important “Stray observations” compulsories.
Dallas (TNT, 9 p.m.): Sue Ellen and Rebecca are both in danger of falling victim to powerful men. We’re sure those men are just characters on this show, but wouldn’t it be kind of cool if they were actually, like, time-traveling fascist dictators? Phil Dyess-Nugent wants to see Larry Hagman fight Mussolini.
Damages (DirecTV’s Audience Network, 9 p.m.): Tonight’s episode is entitled “I Love You, Mommy,” which just puts us in mind of that “You’re my cuppy-cake, gumdrop” song that was forwarded between mothers of toddlers the world over a few years back. Joshua Alston hates that we put that in his head.
The Franchise (Showtime, 10 p.m.): As they always do, the Miami Marlins are selling off their team for spare parts, which means that this season could end up being fairly depressing. Claire Zulkey is just happy that manager Ozzie Guillen is there to watch as his world slowly circles the drain around him.
Futurama (Comedy Central, 10 p.m.): This one is called “Fun On A Bun” and involves Fry as the victim of what’s described as a “sausage-making accident.” Zack Handlen hopes this means Fry is going to become bitter about the political process, but it’s more likely that he’ll just become a talking hot dog, isn’t it?
Top Chef Masters (Bravo, 10 p.m.): Margaret Eby is off this week, so Caroline Framke is stepping in as the various contestants prepare a meal for a wedding in an episode called, “You May Now Feed The Bride,” which puts us in mind of a horrifying B-movie from the ‘50s we’re just imagining now.
TV CLUB CLASSIC
Arrested Development (11 a.m.): “Motherboy XXX” just might be our favorite episode from the second season—you can beg to differ, so long as you know deep down that we’re right—so we’re pleased that Noel Murray has finally reached the shenanigans that go on at the yearly celebration of a mother’s love.
Sports Night (3 p.m.): After the events of “Sally,” which feature one of the great closing twists in TV history, all seems ready to explode in the show’s central love triangle of Casey, Gordon, and Dana. But Donna Bowman watches as Aaron Sorkin lets things simmer for a while instead. Just to spite us.
WHAT ELSE IS ON
Big Brother (CBS, 8 p.m.): In another quiet night for original programming, why not watch the dumb reality show with the most overtones of a somewhat sinister Orwellian quality? Tonight, we’re sure that people will be idiots on camera, and you won’t think about how disquieting it is that you’re watching it.
Ben 10: Omniverse (Cartoon Network, 8:30 p.m.): It’s time for a sneak peek at the fourth installment in the ever-popular Ben 10 series of television programs. We would tell you what this was all about, but our eyes glazed over that one time our nephew tried to explain Ben 10 to us, so we cannot. Sorry.
Hollywood Builders: Total Recall (DIY, 9 p.m.): The titular builders aim to recreate the sets from the original Total Recall, simply because they can, we assume. Like, why would you need a spare Total Recall set otherwise? Is somebody going to redecorate their basement in a Paul Verhoeven theme?
My Teen Is Pregnant And So Am I (TLC, 10 p.m.): We were very concerned that TLC would air something in this hour where we wouldn’t know what the premise was from reading the title, like the famed (and short-lived) surreal ‘80s hotel workplace comedy No Soap Radio, but then we saw this and felt relieved.
Mumford (Fox Movie Channel, 7 p.m.): This pleasant—except when it’s not—small town comedy gallops along agreeably for a while before revealing its back-story, which is… a little dark. It also apparently ruined the career of Lawrence Kasdan, who’s made only two films since it flopped horribly.
She Wore A Yellow Ribbon (TCM, 8 p.m.): John Wayne’s posted way out in the middle of nowhere in this John Ford Western about cavalrymen in the 1870s who are on constant lookout for attacks from Indians. It almost certainly won’t win any awards for political correctness, but it is a good film.
Motocross: AMA in Millville, Minn. (NBC Sports, 8 p.m.): NBC owns this network dedicated just to sports! It must be using it to air live feeds, sans commentary, of popular Olympic events every day, then rebroadcasts of less heralded events (like handball!) in primetime! Oh, motocross? What the fuck, NBC?
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
Rat Bastards (Tuesday): We’ll be honest: We haven’t been as excited for the debut of a new reality series, based solely on its title, as we have been for this one in quite a while. We sent Dennis Perkins to check out this new show about dudes who kill giant rats, and we hope he liked what he saw. Rats!