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Chipotle descends into destructive spiral of cocaine, E. Coli, and pizza

Chipotle corporate headquarters (artists conception). [Photo composite: Mike Vago]
Chipotle corporate headquarters (artists conception). [Photo composite: Mike Vago]

Chipotle has spent 2016 recovering from last year’s e. coli scandal by combining one debacle after another into a hastily assembled burrito of disease, drugs, and money woes. (Guacamole costs extra). Mashable reports on a remarkable series of tweets, all from Tuesday, that portray an affordable lunch option in the midst of a whirlwind of problems. For starters, the Mexican food chain has lost nearly 15 percent of its income compared to last year—although it still did rake in a billion dollars—and the company has lost a third of its value over the same span. Not helping the freefall is executive Mark Crumpacker, who was just busted for using cocaine.

Chipotle can at least rest easy that it’s not doing as badly as Shophouse, the California-based Asian fast-casual chain that’s being shuttered after not making money for its parent company, Chipotle. But having failed to break into a new market, the company announced surefire plans to rebound—by breaking into two already-overcrowded new markets! Along with a pre-existing plan to start selling burgers, Chipotle might also start making pizza, because why not. And they might start taking orders with tablets. Tablets are cool, right? Also, maybe desserts. Taken together, this series of decisions will ensure Chipotle’s 2017 will be every bit as insane as its 2016 has been.

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