Christ returns to NBC

As first prophesized over the summer, Jesus will return to save Earth’s poor and meek by lifting up NBC, giving the network the sequel to his hit TV show, The Bible, to which the network has just pledged its eternal soul for about six weeks. (Presumably NBC met a really cute, very religious girl at church camp.)  “You might think the story is over at the Crucifixion, but as most of the world knows, that was only the beginning,” said NBC’s Jennifer Salke, in the sort of clichéd tagline that’d normally only be heard in a movie parodying Hollywood sensationalism, like maybe something Bill Murray cooks up in Scrooged, but which actually comes out of the mouths of real-life executives in this, our current age of darkness. 

Salke goes on to explain that the 12-hour miniseries A.D. picks up in the immediate aftermath of when Jesus Christ was crucified for our entertainment, including [SPOILERS FOR HEATHENS] “Judas taking his own life after betraying Christ, Peter denying Jesus three times, and then the miracle of the Resurrection.” Indeed, it seems all the really exciting and meaningful stuff happens “in the first episode alone,” as A.D. falls prey to the problem of most TV pilots and major religions.

Still, subsequent episodes will examine some of the other important events that took place after Jesus’ death, such as the continuing political struggles in the Holy Land, the dangerous lives led by His disciples, and, eventually, His massive TV development deal.