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Coke Zero is dead, long live Coke Zero Sugar

(Photo: Getty Images, George Frey)
(Photo: Getty Images, George Frey)

Aside from one very famous example, the Coca-Cola company has largely operated under the “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” model, mostly because you don’t become a brand as ubiquitous as Coca-Cola by doing new and unexpected things. Unfortunately, very few companies can resist the siren song of new and unexpected things, so now Coca-Cola has announced that it will once again be doing something different and possibly ill-advised. As reported by Business Insider, the company will soon be killing off Coke Zero and replacing it with Coke Zero Sugar, a new drink with a totally different recipe.

For those who aren’t familiar with Coke Zero, it’s the sugar juice that is cooler and tastier than crummy old Diet Coke, but since it has zero calories, it’s practically good for you. Also, it comes in black cans, which is how you know it’s a badass soda for cool punks. Sadly, Coca-Cola will stop selling Coke Zero in August, at which point remaining supplies will probably become very valuable and prompt people to start hoarding them like water in a Mad Max movie.

As for this new bullshit, a.k.a. Coke Zero Sugar, Coca-Cola CEO James Quincey describes it as a “reinvention” and claimed in a call with reporters that he “wasn’t too concerned about potential backlash or confusion,” which makes it sound like he’s never interacted with American consumers before. Of course, he was only named the new CEO late last year, so maybe he is still figuring out what people will and will not tolerate from their soda brands, but Coke Zero Sugar has supposedly been a “major hit” outside of the U.S. already. Americans are very picky and hesitant to change, though, so this shit better be ridiculously amazing if it wants any hope of lasting longer than New Coke.

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