Following up on last month’s similarly unscientific study that said spying a copy of Nevermind in your date’s CD collection meant you’d be knocking boots to “Lithium” any minute now—and that seeing Viva La Vida doomed you to a night of frustrating conversation and even more frustrating masturbation—UK auto parts retailer Halfords has completed an informal survey of how music affects driving habits. Not surprisingly, 60 percent of respondents agreed that aggressive music inspires faster, more reckless driving, while mellow music calms the nerves and encourages more considerate behavior on the road—which you don’t really need a survey to tell you.
But as always, that’s not the point of an article like this. No, it’s the naming of which specific artists cause those respective moods, and then using them to draw fun conclusions about their music and fans. Like NME did by posting these Top 5 tracks in each category:
Top 5 Blood Pressure Raising Tracks
1. Beastie Boys - 'Sabotage'
2. The Prodigy - 'Firestarter'
3. Papa Roach - 'To Be Loved'
4. Kanye West - 'Stronger'
5. Rachmaninoff - 'Prelude In C Sharp Minor'
Top 5 Calming Tracks
1. Vivaldi - 'The Four Seasons'
2. Jack Johnson 'Breakdown'
3. Adele - 'Someone Like You'
4. Coldplay - 'Yellow'
5. Fleetwood Mac - 'Landslide'
So for example, not only are Coldplay fans total cockblockers, they’re also probably clogging up the high-speed lane, limply humming along to “Yellow” and daydreaming about snuggling chastely on the couch or something. And all the while, they’re blissfully unaware that dudes blasting the Beastie Boys’ “Sabotage” are sailing heedlessly around them, probably so they can get home and get to fucking. Also, people who listen to Rachmaninoff are menaces; if you hear these chords, you best clear the streets. [via Stereogum]