Congratulations, you’ve won The Lottery (you don’t want to win this Lottery)

Congratulations, you’ve won The Lottery (you don’t want to win this Lottery)

Also: Future police inspectors, fake aliens, and real gunslingers

TOP PICK

The Lottery (Lifetime, 10 p.m.): In a dystopian future in which dystopian-future scenarios are dangerously sparse, Lifetime enters the fray by asking a very Lifetime question: What if ladies couldn’t have babies anymore? Under the guidance of Timothy J. Sexton (who explored this topic, albeit more artfully, in Children Of Men), this new scripted series details the mad, scientific dash to fertilize some embryos and prevent human kind’s extinction. According to her pre-air thoughts on the show, Genevieve Valentine wouldn’t mind if this concept went extinct.


DID LIFETIME PROVIDE A PRESS SHOT OF THE CONTAINER THAT HOLDS THOSE EMBRYOS?

Funny you should ask. Now don’t go stealing those embryos for your own, plot-complicating, world-saving purposes…


ALSO NOTED

Endeavour (PBS, 9 p.m.): The Young Inspector Morse Chronicles concludes its second season with three seemingly linked deaths and some missing evidence, all of which Morse could untangle if he was a full inspector—but alas, he’s still but a lowly detective constable.

Aliens On The Moon: The Truth Exposed (Syfy, 9 p.m.): This is the type of thing that would’ve freaked your What’s On Tonight correspondent way, way out when he was a kid—if that kid didn’t notice that it was produced by the same guy responsible for Fox’s bogus 1995 special Alien Autopsy: Fact Or Fiction?

Gunslingers (AHC, 10 p.m.): Facts that are more easily confirmed: The Old West figures profiled in this effort from the newly rechristened American Heroes Channel (formerly the Military Channel) really existed, though their stories have rarely been told with such attention to historical detail (or featured as many Rescue 911-style reenactments). 


REGULAR COVERAGE

True Blood (HBO, 9 p.m.)
The Strain (FX, 10 p.m.)
Halt And Catch Fire (AMC, 10 p.m.)
The Leftovers (HBO, 10 p.m.)
Masters Of Sex (Showtime, 10 p.m.)


TV CLUB CLASSIC

Farscape (11 a.m.): “Infinite Possibilities” promises infinite possibilities for heartbreak. Prepare yourself—Alasdair Wilkins will be here to comfort you in your time of need.

The Simpsons (Classic) (3 p.m.): Erik Adams just wanted to put on a big, showstopping spectacle for the people reading about “Homerpalooza,” but it appears he can’t have nice things. First Homer Simpson wrecks Erik’s pig, then Cypress Hill stole his orchestra, and now Sonic Youth’s in his cooler! Get out of there you kids!


WHAT ELSE IS ON

Xtreme Waterparks (Travel, 8 p.m.)/Insane Coaster Wars (Travel, 9 p.m.): Travel Channel’s two big amusement-park shows are shutting down early for the summer. Apparently they couldn’t put up with the long lines and extreme prices for concessions. ($7.50 for Dippin’ Dots? That’s highway robbery!)

Return To Amish: The Shunning Truth (TLC, 10 p.m.): We see what you’ve done there, English. However, you’ve forgotten that the Amish frown upon modern developments like clever wordplay.

The Unexplained Files (Science, 10 p.m.): To go along with the mid-’90s flashback of Aliens On The Moon, Unexplained Files cracks open some other NASA-related mysteries. Any chance they’ll figure out why The X-Files’ “Space” turned out to be so goofy?

Guilty At 17 (Lifetime, 7 p.m.): As if to explain that The Lottery isn’t going to change anything about Lifetime, the network offers up reassurance in the form of an original telefilm chock full of unwanted advances, suicide, amateur sleuthing, and characters who threaten to take matters “into their own hands.”

Unforgiven (Reelz, 7 p.m.): The first in a continuing series of Clint Eastwood films in which The Man Who Was The Man With No Name argues on behalf of the ass-kicking abilities of aged and wizened. 

British Open (ESPN 2, 6 p.m.): Final round action from The Open Championship, held this year at the Royal Liverpool Golf Club—which, if we’re not mistaken, is where those four mop-topped lads from Liverpool honed the driving and putting skills that would change the world forever.


TOMORROW IN TV CLUB

Individual A.V. Club writers have already declared their favorite TV shows of the past six-plus months, but now comes the publication’s chance to definitively declare the best new TV shows of 2014 (so far). Will your favorite be on there? If that favorite is The Lottery, we’re afraid The A.V. Club just hasn’t seen enough episodes to know one way or the other.


BUT IF WE WERE MAKING A LIST OF THE CUTEST INANIMATE TV OBJECTS OF 2014, OBVIOUSLY THE LOTTERY’S CRYOGENIC EMBRYO CYLINDER WOULD BE AT THE TOP OF THE LIST

Awwwww, who’s going to preserve humanity? You are! You are!


IN CASE YOU MISSED IT

The Twilight Zone: Everyone knows Custer died at Little Big Horn. What Zack Handlen’s latest Twilight Zone article presupposes is, maybe there were a bunch of modern-day soldiers by his side?

More What's On Tonight