Crocs Are Sentient Beings That Will Cling To Your Toes With Their Tiny, Sweaty, Green Hands

Crocs Are Sentient Beings That Will Cling To Your Toes With Their Tiny, Sweaty, Green Hands

Uh, buy them?

There probably isn't a good way to sell Crocs, the brightly colored children's sand pails masquerading as shoes, because there's nothing appealing about Crocs. If the most enticing selling point of an article of clothing is that it's "odor-resistant," it probably shouldn't be an article of clothing. "Crocs: They're ugly, but at least they don't smell"? That's not exactly a persuasive slogan. Neither is:  "Crocs: Because You Just Don't Care Anymore," or "Crocs: Shoes So Aggressively Ugly No One Will Notice Your Constant Tears," or "Crocs: Because You Want Everyone To Think You Have A Garden." 

Still, any of those campaigns would be a better idea than Croslite, the neon-green, sentient Croc who molests unwilling feet:

 

(via Racked)

Facts about Croslite:

--He has a mouth, eyes, and grubby little hands

--He is the color of snot from someone with a sinus infection

--He is apparently the Buffalo Bill of the shoe world because he is a Croc wearing Crocs that are made from the skin of other Crocs

--He wants your feet.

Obviously, when the inevitable Mucinex mucus family sitcom (Meet The Boogers!) happens, Croslite will make a great creepy next door neighbor a la Charlie on Empty Nest.

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