With the benefit of a freshly installed CPU that allows it to ignore narrative up to 10 times faster, the Disney supercomputer tasked with analyzing existing studio properties for further franchising opportunities and additional quotients of family fun has selected Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride as the next theme park attraction to be compressed into a feature film profit generator. The long-running driving simulacrum—which involves placing humans in a conveyance that turns at sharp angles among sets decorated with representations of woodland animals—is itself an adaptation of Disney’s 1949 film The Adventures Of Ichabod And Mr. Toad, meaning another film already represents up to three established areas of potential sales. Much less profitably and therefore importantly, both ride and film are in turn adaptations of Kenneth Grahame’s The Wind In The Willows—a bound lump of paper which was used to pacify children, before creating entertainment became the work of spreadsheets and software—that is nevertheless still of interest to certain niche quadrants of nostalgic collectors and "readers."
Mirroring the film's risk-averse blend of live action and CGI, this latest output will take shape with the help of various flesh-pods—chief among them director Pete Candeland, who has previously used his appendages to create music videos for the similarly animated facsimiles in Gorillaz. And while the script has yet to be processed, according to the available data, Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride will be an adaptation of the theme park attraction and not the obsolete book, thanks to an automatic override designed to prevent potential hangs like “story.” With that out of the way, the computer can then move on to more important strings of code such as finding Depp variables, or even calculating the potential for creating a ride of the movie of the ride and so on, in an infinite loop.
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