As the Disney machine remains determined to mine the franchising potential of all its proprietary machines, the company’s latest theme park ride to get a big-screen adaptation will be It’s A Small World, in honor of the 50th anniversary of the day everyone immediately hated It’s A Small World. To that end it’s hired Jon Turteltaub—whose experience with complex interlocking parts and being trapped inside madness includes working on National Treasure with Nicolas Cage—with the hope that the slow boat ride into shrill stereotypes can spawn a new series of movies, one that everyone will eagerly want to experience over and over again. Just like the real It’s A Small World.
Of course, It’s A Small World has even less of a narrative through-line than most of Disney’s rides—unless you count the Raymond Carver-esque stories of the many families it’s ruined, as fathers, driven mad by their children singing the theme song, abandon them in Florida to begin new, anonymous lives as long-haul truckers. But with Turteltaub on board, perhaps Disney is looking to create another globe-spanning adventure, one that spans a limited globe full of annoying animatronic children.