When Disney announced plans to re-release The Lion King with a new, 3-D overlay, many naysayers decried it as a gimmicky cash-grab. Those naysayers now get to shut up forever, as The Lion King’s two-weeks-and-counting at the top of the box office have certainly allowed Disney to grab some cash all right—grab enough cash to make even more 3-D cash-grabs that will keep them grabbing for at least the next two years. Grabbing cash, that is, with their cash-grabs. The studio’s line-up of converted classics to pacify a whole new generation—one that increasingly can’t process images in flat two dimensions—now includes Beauty And The Beast (January 13, 2012), Finding Nemo (September 14, 2012), Monsters Inc. (January 18, 2013), and The Little Mermaid (September 13, 2013), whose conversion will take a little longer while they try to decide whether to cover up or really accentuate the hidden penises. And like The Lion King, they will all make a lot of money, and the strategy will seem sort of greedy and calculating but also really difficult to outright hate. What, you’re gonna hate Nemo? Look at Nemo. Now try to hate him. You cynical son of a bitch.
Send your Newswire tips to firstname.lastname@example.org