Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Thursday, September 27. All times are Eastern.
Last Resort (ABC, 8 p.m.): Entering into a brittle climate where tensions flare and the few attempt to have their voices heard above the many (fall première season, right?), Shawn Ryan presents the story of a submarine crew that refuses a drastic order—and the global ripples that refusal causes. TV Admiral Todd VanDerWerff reports for duty, before handing control of the conn to First Mate Scott Von Doviak.
The Big Bang Theory (CBS, 8 p.m.): Wolowitz! In! Spaaaaaaaaaaaaace! And defusing a tense situation between his mom and wife. From spaaaaaaaaaaaaaace! Oliver Sava files his review—from spaaaaaaaaaaaaaace!
The X Factor (Fox, 8 p.m.): The Fox promos would have you believe that this week’s auditions got dangerous, but Jessica Jardine knows nothing on The X Factor is more dangerous than the depth of Simon Cowell’s V necks.
Saturday Night Live Weekend Update Thursday (NBC, 8 p.m.): Regular SNL’s off for the week, which means Seth Meyers can blow all the good Weekend Update jokes on this special. David Sims submits a request for a Stefon report on general-election polling places.
Up All Night (NBC, 8:30 p.m.): The Brinkleys and Ava adjust to the work-life-altering events of last week’s première. Margaret Eby, meanwhile, is still adjusting to the presence of Luka Jones.
Person Of Interest (CBS, 9 p.m.): The Numerical Adventures Of Ben Linus And Jesus returns to the regular TV Club rotation, and Finch is nowhere to be found. Maybe Phil Dyess-Nugent can locate the guy with all those cameras and monitors he left behind.
Glee (Fox, 9 p.m.): Fingers crossed that Ryan Murphy said all he wants to say about the upcoming presidential election during this week’s New Normal train wreck and tackles the truly relevant matters with Glee’s race for class president: Heather Morris one-liners. That’s change Brandon Nowalk can believe in. (Warning: Episode also contains Sarah Jessica Parker.)
Project Runway (Lifetime, 9 p.m.): With Ven gone, who will assure through testimonials and design-studio whispers that he or she “doesn’t design for babies”? And more importantly, what is John Teti going to do with all these unused Anne Geddes jokes he can’t throw at the infant-sized fabric rose that Ven isn’t there to make?
The Office (NBC, 9 p.m.): David Denman’s back in his old Scranton stomping grounds for “Roy’s Wedding”—an appropriate occasion for Myles McNutt to come back and toast The Office’s final season.
Parks And Recreation (NBC, 9:30 p.m.): City Councilor Knope places a target on her back by pushing a soda tax. Given the unpredictable way guns go off in Pawnee, Steve Heisler recommends its citizens stay far away from targets of all kinds.
Scandal (ABC, 10 p.m.): Please welcome Scandal to your Thursday-night lineup, a show that’s about… a scandal? Of political nature? Ryan McGee should be able to explain it.
Elementary (CBS, 10 p.m.): With help from his trusty assistant Myles McNutt, world-famous detective Todd VanDerWerff solves the Case of the Americanized Sherlock Holmes Remake. It’s Elementary, our dear readers…
Louie (FX, 10:30 p.m.): Louie goes to Mexico with some obnoxious relatives—one of whom is played by Amy Poehler, so it can’t be that bad. Nathan Rabin watches as his Emmy-night/Parks And Rec fan fiction comes to life on the small screen.
Childrens Hospital (Cartoon Network, 12 a.m.): Oh yes, it’s “Ladies Night” at Childrens, and the feeling’s right—for the male doctors to hit on single moms all night long. On disco lights David Sims’ name will be seen.
NTSF: SD: SUV:: (Cartoon Network, 12:15 a.m.): There aren’t many San Diego-specific events that can tie into NTSF plots, so please excuse the show for indulging a San Diego Comic-Con International episode. The opportunities for cosplay alone have Kevin McFarland’s head spinning.
WHAT ELSE IS ON?
Live From Lincoln Center (PBS, 8 p.m.): Renowned violinist Itzhak Perlman spins through Tchaikovsky, Respighi, and, er, John Williams with the New York Philharmonic. What, it would kill you get a little culture on your Thursday night?
Two And A Half Men (CBS, 8:30 p.m.): Yeah, who are we kidding: A lot of people will just end up watching this, as it moves in to smother Up All Night and kill all the joy in the world (and steal awards from Louis C.K.). Grumble grumble grumble.
Grey’s Anatomy (ABC, 9 p.m.): Another resilient network staple enters a new season, opening its ninth season after going all Lost in its eighth-season closer. Will this finally be the year where Meredith and Derek are eaten by a polar bear?
Prank My Mom (Lifetime, 10:30 p.m.): Because the people at Lifetime are TV geniuses, they’re tossing this hidden-camera show into the première-week fray. We predict Two And A Half Men-level ratings.
The Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King (Starz, 8:35 p.m.): Then again, you could try to cram this epic Best Picture Oscar winner and its 20-some endings into an already crowded night. It’s what DVRs are made for!
College Football: Stanford at Washington (ESPN, 9 p.m.): The undefeated Cardinals head to Seattle for a Pac 12 matchup where an impressive Stanford defense runs headlong into star Huskies quarterback Keith Price.
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
The Neighbors: Erik Adams and Dennis Perkins move into a seemingly idyllic neighborhood sight unseen and aren’t surprised by what they find: Aliens doing alien things to make humans feel more human. The weird green ear tears are a surprise, though.