After the announcement that Mad Men would split up its final season, once more enabling AMC to delay facing a looming future without its most prestigious dramas, some might have wondered whether this was just a prelude to news of another increasingly common spinoff. But for those hoping to see, say, a show centered on the on-and-off-the-wagon misadventures of Duck Phillips titled Shitting Duck, kindly stow your incredibly clever suggestions. “There's no chance,” Matthew Weiner tells The Hollywood Reporter, saying that while AMC might have made the decision for him to spread the final season out (“I found a way to work with it. That's all I can say”), he’s definitely not going to be pressured into doing a spinoff. “No judgment against anybody else—but this is it,” Weiner says. “This is the story. When it's done, it's done.” So, any stories about Peggy and Joan teaming up as undercover detectives to roust out the pimps and hustlers of late-1970s New York, taking back the city one seedy back-alley and high-heeled kick to the face at a time, will exist only in your own fan fiction that you definitely shouldn’t write in lurid detail and send to us.