In the most damning crack of a secret code since cryptographers, working through the night, discovered that “YVAN EHT NIOJ” was a Navy recruitment message, Egypt has uncovered evidence of America’s long-simmering plans to destabilize the Arab world hidden in a 2001 episode of The Simpsons. Egyptian TV network al-Tahrir broadcast the U.S.-supplied-bombshell report that “New Kids On The Blecch” reveals a vast global conspiracy that “suggests what is happening in Syria today was premeditated”—a conspiracy that involves the U.S. government, Fox Broadcasting, the producers of The Simpsons, and the Rand Corporation, in conjunction with the saucer people, under the supervision of the reverse vampires, all as part of a fiendish plot to incite the Syrian Civil War, and cause the chaos in the region that continues to work out so well for everyone.
The evidence, according to an actual professional news anchor and not merely a Reddit thread: During the Party Posse’s video for “Drop Da Bomb,” a vehicle is briefly glimpsed bearing the flag of the Syrian opposition. That vehicle is da-bombed, the soldiers surrounding it magically transformed into the sexy bikini girls who are even now fighting to overthrow the Ba’athist government and violently seize their basic human rights to play tetherball. The reporter reminds viewers that this all aired in 2001, “before there was such a thing as the Syrian opposition.’ The flag was created before the events took place. That’s why people are saying on Facebook that this is a conspiracy.” (“Well, we stayed up all night, but it was worth it,” these people are believed to have said.)
Beyond its being sourced directly from Facebook, the report is also factually airtight in other ways. As the Times Of Israel points out, the flag was indeed created before the events took place—way back in 1932, where it was used in the wake of Syria’s independence from France, all the way until the 1963 takeover of the Ba’athists those same opposition forces are fighting today. Unfortunately, this information is not currently trending on Facebook, ergo it remains in question.
“Facts are meaningless. You can use facts to prove anything that’s remotely true. Facts schmacts,” Homer Simpson said in the 1997 episode “Lisa The Skeptic,” eerily predicting the vast, global conspiracy of the Internet to transform us all into excitable morons.
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