The Dec. 20 release date of Anchorman: The Legend Continues is fast approaching, so naturally its promotional campaign is escalating quickly. Teaser trailers, museum exhibits, Dodge Durango ads, Ron Burgundy memoirs— that really got out of hand fast, and now comes the trident to the chest that is Ben & Jerry’s new Anchorman-themed ice cream, Scotchy Scotch Scotch. Lamentably free of anything close to the delicious, velvety, floral taste of Glenlivet, likely due to the stupid government, Scotchy Scotch Scotch is instead the illegal-in-nine-countries combination of butterscotch ice cream and ribbons of yet more butterscotch. Here it goes, down into your belly, until you’re wandering the streets screaming about how iced milk with way too much butterscotch was a bad choice.
Still, it could have been worse, according to this comical list of rejected, arguably equally gross flavors we just made up: Stay Grassy, San Diego (lemongrass ice cream with a wheatgrass swirl). Poop Mouth, With Poop Out Of Your Mouth (dark chocolate with chocolate poop chunks). Smelly Pirate Hooker (rum raisin with rum balls). A Used Diaper Filled With Indian Food (a used diaper filled with Indian food). A Whale’s Vagina (sweet cream ice cream with shortbread cookies and a marzipan swirl, and a whale’s vagina). And so on.
Anyway, on a less butterscotch-overwhelmed note, two new Anchorman trailers have also debuted, giving international audiences their first glimpse of distinguished actor Harrison Ford and musings on the decline of ethics in broadcast journalism, and American audiences a bunch of scenes of guys getting hit in the nuts. Getting Hit In The Nuts (peanut butter ice cream with peanuts and a punch to the testicles) would also have been preferable to all that butterscotch, but hey, to each their own.
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