With Selma Blair recently swept up in America’s retro craze for Charlie Sheen being awful, Anger Management now needs a new female lead who cannot help but be irresistibly drawn to Sheen, for that is what is written in the script. And so the show has issued a casting call for a “gorgeous, sexy” new psychiatrist character to join Sheen, specifying that qualifying candidates must be preferably Caucasian or Latina, shorter than Sheen’s 5-foot-9, and—redundantly—full of the desperate career ambition and utter self-loathing required to work alongside Charlie Sheen on a show premised on rewarding his massive sense of entitlement.
“If Charlie and [Blair] were like Sam and Diane on Cheers, then you are Rebecca,” the casting description postulates by way of completing Sheen’s fantasy, which, much like the whole of Sheen’s inner world, takes place in the late 1980s. “Tough, career driven, neurotic and you wear your heart on your sleeve,” it continues. “And you hate yourself for eventually becoming attracted to Charlie.” Presumably it will take a while to find an actress who would have to hate herself in order to take this job, given the demands of winnowing down an eligible pool of “all of them.”
Send your Newswire tips to email@example.com