Eleven years ago, on an October night not unlike this, Nickelodeon premièred Cry Baby Lane, an original, made-for-TV horror movie which left an indelible mark on any unlucky Millennial who’d tuned into the network expecting to watch some CatDog reruns. Those who witnessed it were left to deal with the emotional scars left by the ghost stories of undertaker Frank Langella on their own, for Nickelodeon shelved Cry Baby Lane after one airing—deeming it “too scary” for consistent rotation on the network or a home-video release. And so Cry Baby Lane disappeared into the ether for more than a decade, tormenting its viewers with seemingly imagined memories of a half-evil, half-good set of conjoined twins and the ghoulish, pale visage of comedian Jiiiiiiiiiiiiiim Gaaaaaaaaaaaaffigaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.
That is, until the movie came slowly creeping back into the public consciousness via the Internet. First, a Wikipedia entry appeared. [Type type type] Then, a Reddit post gathering those who claimed to have seen the movie. [Type type type] Next, one intrepid Reddit user uploaded her VHS copy to YouTube [type type type] and with interest in the film duly piqued [TYPE TYPE TYPE] and a hole growing in TeenNick’s “The ’90s Are All That” schedule that Are You Afraid Of The Dark reruns couldn’t fill [TYPE TYPE TYPE] it was revealed on the programming bloc’s Facebook page [TYPE! TYPE! TYPE!] THAT CRY BABY LANE WILL RETURN TO TORMENT AND TORTURE AGAIN ON HALLOWEEN NIGHT! [THUNDER CLAP!] Except it’s really not all that scary, and the people who catch that late-night airing will be too intoxicated to really engage the repressed memories of seeing the thing for the first time. OR WILL THEY?
Send your Newswire tips to firstname.lastname@example.org