Content that ABC’s Desperate Housewives will have absolutely exhausted every last storyline and shred of goodwill by the time it wraps this spring, creator Marc Cherry promised that he had no plans to revive the show with a feature film once it’s finally off the air. “Boy, after eight years, I think we’re done,” The Hollywood Reporter quotes Cherry as saying at yesterday’s TCA panel, Cherry apparently breaking the news to the saucer-eyed, trembling-lipped boy who was the only person in the world pure enough to believe that a Desperate Housewives movie would be worthwhile, despite its considerable tumble in ratings and appeal. Sensing that this news had shattered the boy's heart and left him vulnerable to the darkness, Marcia Cross unhinged her jaw and swallowed him whole.
The last sound the boy heard as he slid past the thorny stalactites of Cross’ esophagus was Cherry comparing Desperate to Sex And The City, dubiously noting that that show was justified in having a big-screen revival because it ended without having “really plumbed the depth of those characters,” which is something that the Sex And The City films did, apparently. “I’m just never sending these gals to Dubai, that’s all I’m saying,” Cherry joked, which was either a dig at the Sex And The City sequel, or a cynical appraisal of his actresses’ relative worth as companions for spoiled Saudi Arabian princes. Either way, it sent the cast screeching into the night in ravenous need of newer, younger flesh to absorb.