Adding another verse to the nagging rendition of "Mockingbird" that has been its entire news cycle, the Farrelly Brothers say they are "almost done with the Dumb And Dumber To [sic] script," the sequel that has devoured untold gigabytes of server space devoted to tracking its every minor development and the offering of Dumb And Dumber quotes in response. "I think you're going to like it," one of the Farrellys said of the eventual day when this project is officially announced, the discussion of whether it's happening is allowed to end, and the last "so you're telling me there's a chance" comment is entered into the Internet, shortly before the Internet becomes self-aware and seeks its apocalyptic revenge. "DO YOU DESPERATELY WANT TO MAKE LOVE TO A SCHOOLBOY? WHOA, BIG GULPS, HUH?" the Internet will ask in its mocking, mechanized voice as it tears our world asunder, having finally been pushed to the breaking point. "LOOK AT THE BUNS ON THAT ONE."
Send your Newswire tips to firstname.lastname@example.org