In news concerning the continuing story of a gravelly voiced former star whose rampant egotism causes them to hilariously blow every third or fourth chance they’re given, as well as concerning another season of Eastbound And Down, Lindsay Lohan has been added to the finale of the HBO comedy whose themes can be so hilariously applied to her in initially misleading, garden-path sentences. According to E!, Lohan will continue her own rocky comeback to the majors by playing “the daughter of one of the show’s main characters,” appearing as the bride in a wedding scene that takes place “many years in the future.” Naturally, this has led many to assume that Lohan will be playing Kenny Powers’ daughter, as these days Lohan primarily stars in things that make winking reference to her own, Kenny Powers-like problems. But in a more philosophical sense, is she not also the daughter of Eastbound’s other main character, the American Dream? And is it not therefore possible she'll be seen here renewing her vows to The Future? The answer is no.
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