A fair maiden in New Orleans is looking for a hard dose of Robb Stark lovin’. Last week, an intense Game Of Thrones fan posted a Casual Encounter to Craigslist looking for someone to help her fulfill her elaborate Iron Throne-based fantasy. As she explains, she recently purchased one of those $30,000 Iron Throne replicas and is looking for someone to, well, conquer her on it. She writes:
"In my fantasy, I am Daenerys Stormborn Targaryen, Mother of Dragons, and Rightful Heir to the Iron Throne and the Seven Kingdoms. After crossing the Narrow Sea and defeating the forces of Westeros, it is within my power and right to slay all of those who betrayed my family and denied me my rightful place for so many years. The most vile enemies of house Targaryen, House Stark and House Baratheon must pay the highest price. All of those who fought against the Mother of Dragons are slain—all except one. When I come to Robb Stark, out eyes lock and something moves inside of me. I realize I need to have him, want him, and I can tell he is thinking the same. I order my guards to throw him in the dungeon and later that night, I have him brought to me, in the throne room. There, on the Iron Throne I've so recently won, I make wild and passionate love with him, repeatedly.”
Fair enough. It’s not like Game Of Thrones isn’t smutty to begin with, so at least she’s not pulling this out from beyond the wall. Plus, this potential rendez-vous could be the perfect chance for some lucky knight to use any and all “winter is coming” puns. Plus, the new Chvrches cover of the Game Of Thrones theme would be perfect mood music.
Just like a real Targaryen, though, the faux-Daenerys isn’t going to sleep with just anyone. The poster says men should only respond if they actually look like Robb Stark and does ask for pictures, though asks that interested parties only refer to themselves as Robb and never reveal their real names. She also notes that whomever she picks must use their own battle-worn clothing, which, in her mind, means “you will not be wearing your nicest furs.” Most importantly, no duds or creepy eunuchs need apply. As she so aptly puts it, she’s “looking for a Stark in the streets but a wilding in the sheets.” Aren’t we all?
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