Hostages is increasingly painful to watch, so you should watch it with us!

Hostages is increasingly painful to watch, so you should watch it with us!

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Monday, October 7. All times are Eastern.

TOP PICK
Hostages (CBS, 10 p.m.): This show! What's the deal with this show? Every week, the episode description is exactly the same: Ellen Saunders tries not to kill the president, and Duncan Carlisle tries to manipulate her into killing the president. We're promised a harebrained escape scheme tonight, but, like, seriously? We are probably just going to get more of that tedious teen-pregnancy plotline. Last week, Sonia Saraiya went insane trying to unpack “Power Of Persuasion.” This week, she might keep it together, but you know, with a thrilling episode title like “2:45 PM,” that might not be the case. 


REGULAR COVERAGE
Adventure Time (Cartoon Network, 7 p.m.): Finn, Jake, and Marceline get trapped in an underground cave without any “red.” Which means blood?! So they have to find some blood for her to eat before she dies. On second thought, Oliver Sava thinks vampirism might be overrated.

Regular Show (Cartoon Network, 8 p.m.): Mordecai and Rigby bring Benson tortillas. Or at least, they try to. Hey, why don’t we get any tortillas? Alasdair Wilkins, can you get us some tortillas?

How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8 p.m.): The poker game from last week appears to be still going on. As the countdown to Barney and Robin’s wedding winds down, the show seems to be using every available opportunity for adorable friend-group heart-to-hearts. Donna Bowman is only interested if the poker turns into strip poker.

Sleepy Hollow (Fox, 9 p.m.): In “John Doe,” an unidentified boy is found in Sleepy Hollow, which is, as far as we can tell, a pretty good summary of what happens in the story “Sleepy Hollow.” Zack Handlen thinks another stranger has come to town.

Mom (CBS, 9:30 p.m.): In “Loathing And Tube Socks,” a pair of tube socks will be unable to get out of the house and find true love because they are down with crippling self-loathing. Well, that’s probably not what will happen, but good title, right? Todd VanDerWerff doesn’t even own any tube socks.

The Blacklist (NBC, 10 p.m.): Tonight’s episode is called “The Stewmaker.” Hmm, like beef stew? Lamb stew? Chicken stew? Will there be any kind of stew involved? Phil Dyess-Nugent, can you get us some stew?


WHAT ELSE IS ON?
The Thundermans (Nickelodeon, 7:30 p.m.)
: A new show about a suburban family with secret superpowers. Max and Phoebe are the 14-year-old Thunderman twins. Phoebe wants to grow up and use her powers for good. Max wants to use them for evil. Those wacky teenagers!

WWE Monday Night Raw (USA, 8 p.m.): It is wrestling. It is raw. It is raw wrestling. Also, it is extreme, as evidenced by the "E."

Monsters Inside Me (Animal Planet, 9 p.m.): “My Husband Is Hallucinating.” There is also a beauty queen with asthma, apparently. It's no "There's A Worm In My Eye," but it's not bad.

The E! True Hollywood Story: Paula Deen (E!, 10 p.m.): Yes, we are now at the state of cultural decline where now celebrity chefs get their own E! exposés. Presumably instead of heroin, we are going to learn about how backstage at Paula Deen shows, cast members were known to freebase butter.

Pure Evel: American Legend (Discovery, 10 p.m.): An hour-long special on Evel Knievel. At least, we think that’s what this is. There’s no description. Sorry in advance if it is something else.

X-Men: The Last Stand (FX, 8 p.m.): Hey, even TV Guide refers to this movie as “flawed.” We loving referred to it as “the worst X-men movie,” “the Hot Topic X-Men movie,” or “that one where Jean Grey is really powerful and annoying, and Brian Foster has wings for no clear reason.” Hugh Jackman stars as a brooding hunk.

56 Up (PBS, 10 p.m.): The “Up” series is back, checking in on the subjects that they’ve been following since 1964. This installment of the kinda creepy, kinda addictive documentary films is making its PBS debut.

Monday Night Football: Colts at Chargers (ESPN, 8:25 p.m.): The Indianapolis Colts go to San Diego, which, honestly, seems like a step up. We hope they ride in on their horses in style, though.


IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
Homeland (Sunday): Nicholas Brody is finally back on the map—in a slum in Caracas, using heroin. So, that’s not great. Todd VanDerWerff was really bummed out by last night’s episode, "Tower Of David."

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