In yet another overt attempt to drive its primarily young female fanbase into a ravenous frenzy, the producers of the Hunger Games sequel Catching Fire have made an offer to Philip Seymour Hoffman, according to Deadline. Hoffman would play the key role of Plutarch Heavensbee, the head gamemaker in a dystopian future where all banal names have been outlawed, and a man whose passion for scheming is belied by the fact that he perpetually looks as though he just woke up from a nap. Upon news of Hoffman possibly joining, the editors of BOP! Magazine have already promised to have at least six more locker-sized Philip Seymour Hoffman pullouts ready in time for the beginning of the school year—though as always, this is not expected to be nearly enough.
Send your Newswire tips to email@example.com