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Rambo 5 might be happening after all

In 2010, Sylvester Stallone said that he was “99 percent sure” that he was done hiding the graying Rambo franchise behind an increasingly musty headband of contrived mercenary subplots, despite rumors that Rambo might once again be called from retirement to dispense mumbly justice to human traffickers or even genetically engineered mutants. But as recent protests have shown us, we are ruled by the 1 percent, and thus Rambo 5 is still apparently a possibility—at least, according to self-pitying Conan The Barbarian writer Sean Hood, who recently tweeted that he’s working on a Rambo 5 screenplay that is currently “on hold” while Stallone finishes his Expendables sequel. Also apparently, Stallone himself is back on board: Hood added that Stallone “hasn’t decided if R5 will be an 'Unforgiven' or a 'passing of the torch,’” despite the fact that seemingly all of Stallone’s movies of late are essentially Unforgiven already. (Though perhaps this means Rambo will finally find peace by moving to San Francisco and selling dry goods.)

But a “passing of the torch” could hint at the real impetus behind yet another sequel, as the future of the Rambo franchise is dictated not by Stallone but by Lionsgate—a studio that has shown its determination again and again to milk its properties for all they are worth, until the teats are left distended and discolored. And speaking of which, the 65-year-old Stallone also has his Arnold Schwarzenegger team-up The Tomb to make in the next year, meaning by the time those are over, he may be at last ready to give his ravaged elderly body a rest, relax into the august years of his career with dignity, and leave his action-movie legacy alone—is what we would say if this story concerned anyone but Sylvester Stallone. So look for Rambo 5, most likely coming soon.

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