A.V. Club Most Read

News Newswire Great Job, Internet!
TV Club All Reviews What's On Tonight
Video All Video A.V. Undercover A.V. Cocktail Club Film Club
Reviews All Reviews Film TV Music Books
Features All Features Spoiler Space TV Club
Sections Film Tv Music Food Comedy Books Games Aux
Our Company About Us Contact Advertise Privacy Policy Careers RSS
Onion Inc. Sites The Onion The A.V. Club ClickHole Onion Studios
Get The Latest

Star Wars to get its inevitable 3D re-release

George Lucas will wring another billion dollars or so out of the Star Wars saga by converting all six films to 3D. The sort-of good news is that his plans to spackle yet another layer of revisions on his past triumphs will be a very slow and deliberate process (no slapdash Clash Of The Titans chicanery here), with each episode taking nearly a year to complete; the bad news is that Lucas plans to release them “in order,” one per year, with The Phantom Menace the first to debut in 2012. That means The Empire Strikes Back won’t be out until around 2016, when it will screen solely in the underground bunkers of the oil-and-potable-water barons, where the THX sound will come in handy drowning out the implorations of starving, feral nomads trying to barter their long-obsolete Special Edition DVDs for a bowl of millet.

Submit your Newswire tips here.